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Question

Dear Father Angelo,

my name is Mattia, I am 23 years old and I am a Catholic (Salesian).

This is not the first time I am contacting you and I would like to start by thanking you for the service provided: it has been very useful to me over the years.

I wanted to ask you to clarify subjects such as pedophilia, pederasty, incest, and all those sinful relationships when they happen between individuals of the opposite sex. Theologically speaking: for what reasons are they considered sinful? Is it because they are relationships outside of marriage and, in the case of pedophilia, because they lack consent? Are there other reasons?

Thank you in advance for your answer, I’d like to ask for a ””special”’ prayer for me and my family.

I hope I haven’t disturbed you too much!

Mattia

Answer from the priest

Dear Mattia,

1. You asked about the “theological” reasons that prohibit pedophilia, pederasty and incest between people of the opposite sex. In your question you exclude any association with homosexuality from these practices.

2. Stating that these actions are prohibited simply because they take place out of wedlock is too generic and also misleading. Because premarital relationships, adulterous relationships and many other relationships are outside of marriage too.

3. It should be noted that in all sexual disorders there is something that is found in each specific disorder, and that is the impurity of love.

But beyond this there is also something else to add to this specific disorder.

4. Let’s start from what is common in any other disorder: the impurity of love.

Sexuality touches the intimate core of the person.

When a person gives himself physically, as happens in the exercise of sexuality, he gives all of himself in an exclusive and faithful way.

This gift is not given to the first person who walks on the street but only to those who are able to welcome it and return it. This only happens in marriage.

Therefore every sexual experience outside marriage is at least a counterfeit form of the true love which is the only one that respects the dignity of the individual.

What the Catechism of the Catholic Church says should be applied to every impure act: “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure” (CCC 2351). It is a disorder because it is “sought for itself” (ib.), for personal fulfillment, for one’s own lust. More than a gift, it is an exploitation of the other person.

And it remains exploitation even if it is accepted and shared by the other partner.

5. The great theologian H. U. von Balthasar rightly wrote that “lust is greed, the reversal of the submissive love that knows how to renounce for love of others, transformed into an arid speculation concerned with one’s own pleasure and one’s own advantage.

It matters little whether this greed is nourished by the selfishness of two persons, within or outside the marriage sphere, or whether it exhausts itself in enjoyment, normal or perverted, with the opposite sex or, again, solitarily”.

And just as rightly it has been said that “lust is a sensual lie, a possession disguised as a gift” (Pascal Ide, The 7 Deadly Sins, p.83).

6. When it comes down to pedophilia, incest, and pederasty there is still something else and it is the damage not only moral, but also physical and mental that is inflicted on a minor, so much so that this relationship is considered a crime, and that is, an action which involves a violation of the dignity of the person and is criminally liable.

We are unaware of what goes on in the heart of an abused child and also in the heart of an adult who was abused as a child.

Those who have suffered this sexual abuse speak of huge painful wounds that never heal, of human lives that are shattered.

There is sometimes serious physical damage due to tissue laceration. In girls this often leads to permanent sterility…

But psychic and spiritual damages are extremely serious too.

7. A document published by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (“Walking in the Light: A Pastoral Response to Child Sexual Abuse, 1996), listed them as follows:

a poor self-image;

pervasive feelings of guilt;

feelings of isolation that lead to social withdrawal;

inability to trust or to maintain friendships;

inappropriate sexual behavior;

inability to relate sexually with spouses; 

and symptoms of posttraumatic stress syndrome, such as flashbacks, addiction to alcohol or drugs, and depression.

Children may find it difficult to imagine, much less develop, a relationship with a loving God. Some may be terrified of God. Many are unable to pray, and they reject their religious faith. 

Since they do not love themselves, they cannot believe that anyone else, including God, can love them.

8. The scenario described by the aforementioned document of the US Conference of Bishops is serious and there’s certainly more to add.

It is understandable that it is a matter of violence inflicted on a person. His body, his intimacy and his minor age are abused.

Thank you for bringing my attention to this problem which unfortunately continues to  remain a dramatic and current topic.

I remember you to the Lord and bless you.

Father Angelo

04 February 2016 | A priest replies – Moral theology – Sexual and matrimonial morality