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Question

I’m 36 years-old and, ever since I was a young boy, I’ve been attracted to men, especially older men (maybe because I was missing a father figure… I don’t know why).
Oftentimes, people associate homosexuality with being effeminate or behaving like in the film “La Cage aux Folles”. This is incorrect because a great number of people are homosexual and you would never suspect it and they can be priests, doctors, etc…
Like many of you, readers of this site, I’m baptized and therefore belong to the Body of Christ and the Church as a community.
I’m quoting this excerpt from one of your answers because I thought it was interesting and contained many truths.

“In truthfulness, we should also say that, just as someone who is born with a physical disability has the same dignity as anybody else, in the same way, someone who is born predisposed to homosexuality has the same dignity of every other human person.
His defect is an evil, a disorder, but it’s not a sin.
For this reason, discriminating against gay people because of their tendency is unjust, and it is also unjust to condemn them. Especially if we consider that, generally speaking, gay people suffer because of their pathology.
They are the first to admit that their condition is abnormal, that there is no real family with children in their future, and that, because of their tendency, they will always be the object of some joke that wounds them.
6. Morally speaking, the homosexual act is condemned because it goes against nature.
The individual, however, is not condemned, especially if their conduct is beyond reproach — even if he were to commit a sin he’s not condemned, especially if he repents.
In short: only God can judge somebody’s subjective responsibility.
Gay culture is only tied to sex lived as lust, like a fleeting pleasure that only lasts a moment and leaves one with nothing.


The gay community demands civil unions but, frankly, there are very few people in this scene who actually desire that or who want to adopt a child to raise. Everything revolves around sex used like a drug.
Oftentimes, it is a very lonely life, punctuated by quick fleeting encounters to satisfy a sexual need. Relationships between men don’t usually last and, in almost every case, they are unfaithful from the very beginning. There is then the fear around sexually transmitted diseases, which isn’t a small matter.

Even the Catechism of the Catholic Church talks about this topic in a very objective, non-discriminatory and respectful manner:
“2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.” They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.”

When it comes to me, it is experience which led me to write about my disillusionment with that scene. I try to live my situation like a cross to bear and not something to get rid of. Everybody has their cross to bear during this life. Some evangelical sects profess that you can be liberated overnight by reading one of their booklets.
I also believe that chastity for a gay person should be lived in the same way of a heterosexual person who decides not to marry.
Everything should be borne as a trial and, if one falls, he should at least be remorseful and reconcile with God.

I don’t think the Church hates gay people, but rather She hates the sin that is committed.

Priest’s answer

Dearest,

1. I thank you for your testimony.
It is honest, especially in speaking of the Church — Which makes a distinction between the person and the sin.
You were also very honest in recognizing that, especially between homosexual males, there is little faithfulness and everything is reduced to the experience of lust.

2. Others, even some of our visitors, claim to find communion and spiritual enrichment even in homosexual relations.
I answered their claim by saying that communion and spiritual enrichment are not tied to being homosexual and that communion and spiritual enrichment can be lived well without genital homosexual involvement, which is always a perversion and a profanation of God’s design for human love and sexuality. 

3. We should also note that not all gay people are the same.
To some, their situation causes suffering, they try to behave in a blameless and dignified manner.
From my pastoral experience, I even know of married people who identify as homosexual and have never had homosexual experiences.

4. On the other hand, others, like those who are involved in what you call the “gay scene” are tied, as you wrote, “to sex lived as lust, like a fleeting pleasure that only lasts a moment and leaves one with nothing” and you add “everything revolves around sex used like a drug”. You also admit that “it is a very lonely life, punctuated by quick fleeting encounters to satisfy a sexual need”.

5. Now, when it comes to you: you say you try to live your situation like a cross to bear, rather than something to get rid of.
One could say you are maybe too resigned to your condition.
But you certainly know yourself better than I do.
Maybe you have come to the conclusion that in your case it’s an ingrained inclination, impossible to root-out. Therefore, you say you are determined to suffer this inclination like a cross. I think you intend to live it in “chastity” which, as you rightly state, “should be lived in the same way of a heterosexual person who decides not to marry”. If there are any lapses “at least be remorseful and reconcile with God.”

I thank you for your heartfelt testimony.
I assure you of my prayer and bless you.

Father Angelo

05 February 2016 | A Priest Answers – Moral Theology – Sexual and Matrimonial Morality