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Question

Dear Father Angelo,

I’d like to ask a second question:

Father Livio (Radio Maria Italy) said to a listener: “you who are out of God’s grace…etc.” Can you explain to me what this means?

I have found this statement very “heavy”. Does it mean that we are all condemned for being out of God’s grace? But doesn’t God read our hearts?

He surely knows the conditions of each of us, the life we ​​lead, what we’re suffering and have suffered and all the other things that no one will ever know, so I wonder, in our state what can we do to return to God’s grace? (Excluding a priori breaking up the new relationship, because I take for granted that it is motivated by love).

Some theologians told us that there are many ways to get to God, not only through the main one, they comforted us by placing their hands on our shoulders and we felt more relieved.

In the Church, (from what I have experienced based on my conversations with many priests) there is a lot of confusion, why does everyone have a different opinion? Shouldn’t there be just a unique  line for everyone? Why is there such a rift among consecrated people?

Dear Father, we divorced people have to carry this heavy burden on our shoulders every day, we feel perpetually guilty, we just wish you “normal” people would understand it, instead it seems that we have been put in a kind of “parking lot” where no one knows what fate will be assigned to us; show us once and for all that blessed road that leads us to CHRIST, let us live a life where we don’t feel like we are excluded… give us back the smile we have lost.

A big hug to you,

Alessandro

Answer from the priest

Dear Alessandro,

1. it is true that only God reads in the depths of our hearts.

However, we know with certainty of many situations that do not conform to God’s will because they objectively disregard his commandments.

But only God knows individual responsibility.

2. About father Livio’s words: they must be contextualized. He certainly meant: “You who, objectively, live outside God’s grace…”.

Consider that father Livio does not read a prepared text when he’s on the air. He may get excited and for this reason listeners follow his radio broadcast with interest. However, sometimes it may happen that he leaves out a word that would better explain his statement.

I am convinced, however, that Father Livio did not want to pass judgment on anybody. He just wanted to talk about those who live without the grace of God.

3. Now whoever is divorced and remarried or is in the process of being remarried because he has a “fiancée” objectively lives in a situation that is different from Christ’s teaching: “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mk 10,11-12). The least that can be said is that the situation of adultery does not conform to our Lord’s will.

4. The Church is very tactful with these people, because she knows what trials and what sufferings they have gone through. It is not easy for anyone to see the end of a  marriage. It’s like a failure.

5. Nonetheless, she cannot approve any attempt to re-settle by joining a life partner,  getting married again in civil form and consider themselves married to all intents and purposes. The Church reminds divorced and separated people to keep what they promised before God on their wedding day: “I promise to be faithful to you through  thick and thin, to love and respect you all the days of my life”.

And also remember the words of Christ: “Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mk. 10,9).

6. You asked me what two divorced and remarried people can do to objectively return into God’s grace. But you immediately added: “Excluding a priori the breakup of the (new) relationship”.

Actually, this is precisely what must be done.

Only on this condition – with regards to the problem we are discussing – the two persons cease to live in a condition that is objectively in contradiction with the Lord’s teaching.

7. If for serious reasons they cannot break off the new relationship, the only solution would be to behave like two people who are not husband and wife to each other, that is, to exclude the external signs of marital betrayal. These signs are precisely sexual intercourse.

Only on this condition the two return to a situation that is not in open conflict with the Lord’s teaching. 

After this step, they could receive the sacraments of the Church, being careful to not  take the Holy Communion where they are known as cohabitants or divorced couples.

8. When the Church talks about other ways to be saved and to be in grace, she implies the ways that God only knows, because He knows the secrets of our hearts.

This is why she tells people who live in open contrast to the Lord’s teaching and who do not feel like going back or interrupting conjugal relations: keep praying, keep participating to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass (but abstain from Holy Communion), do works of fraternal charity, almsgiving and penance, abandon yourselves to the mercy of the Lord, ask him to forgive your sins, live in humility and who knows that one day you may even reach an objective state of grace, a lifestyle that is not in open conflict with the teaching of the Lord.

9. John Paul II says that: “With firm confidence the Church believes that those who have rejected the Lord’s command and are still living in this state will be able to obtain from God the grace of conversion and salvation, provided that they have persevered in prayer, penance and charity” (Familiaris Consortio 84).

As you may have noticed, the pope does not say that by persevering in prayer, penance and charity they live in grace in other ways, but that “they will be able to obtain from God the grace of conversion and salvation“.

Their situation remains in contrast with the Lord’s teaching.

10. Finally you asked: “Show us once and for all that blessed way that leads us to CHRIST, let us live a life where we don’t feel like we are excluded… give us back the smile we have lost”.

The Church suffers with you for this state.

She cannot fully restore the smile you have lost as long as the irregular situation remains in place.

This is what the Church tells you: you are always our dearest children. But there is no other ordinary way that is parallel to the ordinary way.

The path of perseverance in prayer, penance and charity remains (Familiaris Consortio 84).

Thank you for sharing your pain and your desire to be united with the Lord with the greatest possible intensity. This is also a beautiful testimony.

I cordially greet you, I’ll remember you in prayer and bless you.

Father Angelo