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Question
Dear Father Angelo,
I always read your replies on the Dominican Friends website and always find them full of wisdom and charity. I thank you for your precious work. At the moment I do not have any questions for you, I just would like to offer my testimony as a woman, spouse and Christian mother, as I have noticed that there is always a lot of debate on the lawfulness of contraception within marriage and on natural methods. You always talk comprehensively about all the moral aspects of this matter and several times this has helped me to understand and appreciate even more the beauty of marital sexuality that is lived according to God’s will.
Considering the questions that many readers address you (for example, in the last couple of days, one was about the adoption of natural methods in case of irregular periods and one about the lawfulness of using contraception during breastfeeding), I have the impression that there are many misconceptions and misinformation on natural methods.
This is the reason why I am writing to you. I want to confirm that it is possible to live marital sexuality in a Christian way and that natural methods are also a journey of discovery of your own body offering peace and self-mastery.
As a woman, I can state that this body and fertility awareness is an amazing gift to yourself and your own husband. Unfortunately, I see many people around struggling to learn several things and develop extensive knowledge in many areas. However, they get discouraged when they are faced with the need to commit themselves to the understanding and study of their own body’s rhythms. For example, having irregular periods does not prevent the adoption of natural methods at all. On the contrary, monitoring periods can be of help to any woman who wants to understand whether there are hormonal problems causing irregularities and solve them (even just through simple precautions on diet and lifestyle).
Other times learning natural methods help understand that what may seem an irregular period is not actually so, as there are “phases” of it that regularly re-appear every month.
Moreover, menstrual cycles change throughout life: after the first pregnancy and once the suckling period is over, a lot of women discover a new regularity. Another thing I would like to witness is that it is possible to adopt natural methods during breastfeeding too.
Besides, natural breastfeeding (meaning to feed every time the baby asks for it, without alternating baby bottle and mother’s milk) usually delays the return of female fertility. According to the marvellous Creator’s plan, when the mother’s body is devoted to nurturing a newborn baby, another pregnancy is naturally postponed, so as to allow her to devote all her energies to breastfeeding. However, if the cycles reappear (this happened to me with my last daughter, as she used to sleep a lot at night and I had long intervals between feedings), it is always possible to adopt natural methods, as long as you do it with greater care though; for example, it can happen that you have to abstain during two periods in a month instead of one because signs of ovulation seem to repeat themselves. All this is normal and, if you experience it serenely, it can just increase love between spouses and their awareness of the miracle of their motherhood and fatherhood. This “exercise” also helps to get ready for harder times, when you may have to abstain for longer periods (we took the decision to abstain for several months after the birth of our first daughter, due to health reasons and complications arising after delivery).
The joy that you experience while living your marriage according to the Creator’s will is so big that human hardship during periods of abstinence is really a small thing. This is not only my thought, it is indeed also shared by my husband and other married couples that I know, who decided to live their marriage in this way. Besides, I would like to tell women that the understanding and the deep acceptance of their own fertility can also help them to know themselves better psychologically and live with much bigger joy and awareness the marvellous experiences of pregnancy and delivery, which are not illnesses but rather a beautiful and essential part of our femininity.
Father, I do not know whether you find this witness useful. However, I urge you to continue your work in spreading the truth. Unfortunately – and I do not mean to judge – I realise with sadness that the pastors of the Church do not properly insist on this matter, probably because they think to impose upon couples too big of a yoke. Actually, it is not like that: living marriage in this way is a light yoke and it helps Christian married couples to mature in faith and encourages them to get informed, to understand and to apply all their intelligence to the discernment of truth. My husband and I have never used birth-control measures and natural methods have always been effective also in times when ,through prayer, we decided to wait a little before having another child.
I hope my witness can be helpful to somebody, I also hope I did not bother you with this long letter. You may take it as a further acknowledgement and thanksgiving.
Greetings,
Alessandra
Priest’s Answer
Dear Alessandra,
1. I warmly thank you for what you have decided to share with me and all our visitors.
The serenity that transpires from your words is an outward sign of the inner mastery and maturity you have acquired in your life.
This is probably a gift you inherited from your parents. Maybe it is the fruit of God’s grace and a life of prayer but, undoubtedly, it is also a reflection of conjugal intimity, which is lived according to God’s will.
2. I would particularly thank you for highlighting the fact that sometimes cycle irregularities can be an indication of other dysfunctions that require some adjustments in some areas that are not secondary at all, such as diet or certain lifestyles.
So you never cease to be surprised about the admirable wisdom of the Divine Law, therefore with the psalmist we also say: “I have seen a limit to all perfection; your commandment is exceedingly broad” (Psalm 119: 96).
It is only in our best interest to remain allied to the Divine Wisdom. The only thing we have to distrust is not the Divine Law. It is rather exclusively our judgement or knowledge, which are inevitably marked by limitations.
3. You write: “The joy that you experience while living your marriage according to the Creator’s will is so big that human hardship during periods of abstinence is really a small thing”.
The labour you talk about is the most beautiful labour, as it is the labour of virtue, which requires continuous self-transcendence, self-elevation and spirit of sacrifice. This labour always pays off, here as in any other area of life.
4. It is above all a joy arising from being preserved in grace, and thus from being able to keep rejoicing in the personal presence of God inside our heart, that is the ultimate goal of every human aspirations.
Without this presence, our heart would always remain unsatisfied and feel poor, or rather, extremely poor.
I sincerely thank you again.
I remind you as well as your family to the Lord and bless you.
Father Angelo