Good evening Father
I write to you because I am at a particular moment in my life. I am a middle-aged man and I am going through a period where everything is in question.
I will be sincere to tell you that I have never been particularly attentive to my spiritual and christian life to which I am trying to approach with more attention.
In my professional and study life I have always dedicated myself and obtained early and positive results. This resulted in a quick independence and total management of my life giving priority to individual freedom absolute value. Relationships with people surrounding and friendships have always been cared for and respected.
The problem has been the relationships with the other sex, since a little more than a teenager to today between stories more or less long and adventures I have collected a very long list of relationships like Don Giovanni of Byron . Attempts to build true and sincere relationships with the aim of building a future have always been clumsy and unsuccessful That is, after my brief initial satisfaction very little subsequent satisfaction because I always had the feeling that something was missing and the requests of the other party (in some case maybe even legitimate) for me were always absurd and suffocating . The consequence has been suffered moments for both between lies and recriminations.
Today I find myself thinking on this topic more than before and I wonder if maybe it is time to change something in me and get closer to the idea of a relationship that has a family and marriage plan for the future.
But I find myself lacking the capacity for discernment. The women I know always seem to have characteristics and demands that have never made me feel comfortable.
The vision of a future together became for me a prison and a concern with the consequence of enervating my ability to manage the relationship.
Convinced that I can find a point of reflection also through religious guidelines. I ask you how to evaluate and choose a good companion and wife and whether the choice should be built anyway on the basis of a necessary sacrifice or if it must come naturally.
A heartfelt thank you for the time you will dedicate to me.
1. Your past marked by capacity, precocity and autonomy probably affects you too much
Capacity, precocity and autonomy are three very beautiful characteristics, but, to use your language, you practiced them in the style of Don Giovanni which is to say : on the style of fun, enjoyment and taking
2. You are now at the time when the capacity to love and that is to give is required. And it seems to you that this perspective is causing you to lose autonomy and freedom. So it frightens you.
3. What did you miss ?
I could say that you have missed education in love, in giving, in that experience of life where you find more joy in giving than in receiving (Acts 20, 35).
4. In your mail you humbly confess that you were “never particularly attentive to the spiritual and Christian life”. I probably deduce that there has been no sacramental practice, Particularly that of confession.
5. The prohibition of sin may seem an arbitrary limit to freedom . It is in actually a ban on selfishness. It is a stimulus to remain in grace and its active ingredient which is charity, which is also expressed in conceiving one’s life as a constant gift for Lord’s love.
6. Now you feel the need to change.
This change has a special name: conversion.
You need to find the true horizon of your life, which is holiness. I suggest you start with a good confession.
You could use a general confession.
You then need to reorder your life and live it according to God.
You need to find the daily presence of the Lord in your life through prayer and reading his word, through regular and frequent confession, through the sanctification of feasts and participation in mass.
I am sure that in a short time everything would change and make you willingly sacrifice those corners of emptiness and carefree fun that you have so far sought as the purpose of your existence.
In exchange for them, you would find a treasure hidden in the field, to use the evangelical language, that would push you to throw away everything that you had tied before.
7. One last problem remains and that is to find the woman who shares the same ideals as you.
So far you have not found her because you have dated girls who lived in the same horizon as you and with them you were afraid to think about a life together.
But even today there are girls who tend towards the holiness of life and are happy to dedicate themselves to making happy the people that the Lord assigns them: the groom and the children.
Returning to the Church and entering a new circle of people you would find one
In any case, the Lord will make you meet them.
8. In the meantime, ask the Lord as the greatest grace to give you a new heart, a heart that is capable of loving
He begins to ask this of her who in Sacred Scripture is presented as “the mother of beautiful love and fear, of knowledge and of holy hope” (Sie 24:18).
I advise you to make a humble and hopeful gesture: go to the Church and see the altar of Our Lady. Light a candle in front of Her. It will be your request, your prayer to the Mother of beautiful love and holy hope.
She is your mother. She will not leave you without an answer.
I accompany you with my prayer, I wish you every good and I bless you.