Question

Hello Father Angelo,

I hope you will answer me because my situation is starting to become heavy, and since I do not  have a spiritual father, I have no guide with whom to advise.

I am  a 26 year old practicing Catholic who tries  to live in chastity.  The friends I hang out with have as their primary goal getting to know girls and sleeping with them. I am starting to feel out of place.  Even when I am simply going out to have beer with friends, I am  afraid the night will take a wrong turn for me (but great for my friends.)

I assure you that my friends tell me of all their wild escapades, so much so that at times I am left speechless at the ease with which people end up sleeping together.

Therefore , many times  I have to decline an invitation to hang out with friends to avoid situations from which I can no longer  get out of.  I’m starting to realize that by doing so I am  isolating myself more and more.

I live away from my parent’s house due to my work location, therefore I live in a new city whereit is  difficult to get to know other young Catholic people.

I have  tried to partake in some Catholic group meetings, but on one hand it’s not easy to be well accepted into a group and on the other, I am  not very fond of these religious groups’ activities nor the atmosphere one breathes in there.

As for meeting girls for a potential future together the situation is quite complicated, because I’d like to get to know Catholic Girls who share my same ideals, but I do not know how to do so.

Furthermore, (maybe it is  a mistake) I am  avoiding meeting girls in the typical settings because they are  far from what I am  looking for.  As such I am  in a stalmate , and I do not  know how to get out of it.

I know that I must confide in the Lord and that is the only thing that comforts me.

I have  already considered that I might be single for my entire life and that does not worry me, just like having to hide from friends so that I do not  end up in uncomfortable situations.

I hope that you will enlighten me.

I send a warm hug,

Michele

Answer

Dear Michele

1. The friends that you hang out with have as a primary goal approaching women and having sex and you are starting to feel out of place.

You Tell me you have  tried to participate in religious groups but your spirituality does not  match theirs.  I tell you to frequent the Best Friend there will ever be; Jesus.


2. Do you know what Jesus tells you?

He keeps repeating what He said in John 8,12 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

3. Start frequenting Him every day there where he is waiting for you: at Mass.

If you do this you will realize that you are not condemned to living a single life, because you will start to feel Him close to you, even more than your actual friends.

4. Furthermore, I am sure Jesus will make you meet the right people, those that he has prepared for you that do not belong to any religious groups.  It could happen that at first, you only meet people with whom you share nothing more than the Eucharist, and nothing else. But I am sure the Lord will not let you be  alone forever.  Sooner or later you will meet a man or a woman with whom you will be able to start a real friendship, which will be completely different from the disappointing ones you are living now.

5. Saint Francis of Assisi “considered not listening to the Mass daily as a grave sign of contempt when time allowed”.  (Franciscan Sources 789)

With reference to your problem I would  like to point out that after Saint Francis’ conversion, he did not go searching for friends, but the Lord sent them to him.  These new friends, as opposed to the ones with which he did not  feel any longer at ease with, were truly real friends.  He received these friendships as a gift from the hands of our Lord.

6. I am  sure the Lord will do the same thing to you, even though He might not be calling neither you nor your friends to the way of poverty as He did with Saint Francis.

Trust Jesus and His words “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8,12)

7. I like mentioning Saint Thomas’ comment on these words of Jesus.  These words should enlighten your life:

He says «Whoever follows me,» because just like whoever does not want to lose themselves in darkness must follow the light bearer, similarly whoever wants to save himself must follow, believe, and love Jesus who is the light.

This is precisely how the Apostles followed him.  (See Matthew 4,20)

Just as the soul’s light might dim during sunset, whoever follows it may face darkness.  Jesus’ light however knows no sunset, and will never be dimmed.
Whoever follows this light will have a perennial light, namely the light of life.

Visible light does not give life, even though it cooperates with the functions of bodily life.  Instead Jesus’ light gives life because we have the insight that we are part of His light.

 8. Jesus’ light always shines.  It shines so much as to fill our lives giving us the feeling that we are satiated. 

That light fills us to the point that all that we need blooms around us, in the same way that sunlight makes all seeds sprout in all of the creation that is open to welcoming it.  

I accompany you with my faithful prayer and bless you.

Father Angelo

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