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Question

Hello Father Angelo,

I’m Clelia, one of the readers of your Dominican Friends column; it is not the first time that I am writing to you and indeed I take this opportunity to thank you from my heart for your advice and for your cordial availability. Your service is truly invaluable to us, which is why I often remember you in my prayers.

Having said that, I come to the crux of the matter and, trusting in your help, I present my little dilemma. Lately, due to developments that are mainly on the family side, I find myself unable to deepen and nourish my spiritual path. I love the Lord and I want to get as close as possible to being as he wants me to be, but my fatigue is great, both in spiritual and physical terms. Specifically, whenever I decide to join small sacrifices, such as fasting, to my prayers, I end up doing the bare minimum, I wouldn’t even dare to call them fasts.

Let me explain: conceding that part of the reason is due to my lack of willpower, it often happened that skipping meals or fasting on bread and water the whole day caused me heavy headaches and a lot of physical weakness (due to my constant ANEMIA, hence also my husband’s reproaches). I am a mother who, by God’s blessing, has two beautiful and strong little children and I have elderly parents who need my help and support, but I have no room left for rest and prayer, and I really cannot afford to be physically weak, but I would still like to work in that direction.

I borrow time here and there to pray, when I can, but when I’m fasting everything becomes very complicated; so I thought that rather than making small and crooked sacrifices dictated by my whims, where I even doubt whether they are acceptable or not, I would like to know if there could be a compromise; I would follow your advice, I would tie this to the thread of obedience, which should at least give some support to my little sacrifices. I know that I should ask my spiritual father more than anyone else, but for now the Lord has not granted one to me, and since I hold your work in great esteem, I ask you for help or at least for a direction in this regard.

With love and gratitude

C.

Answer from the priest

Dear C.,

1. although I have already written several answers about fasting, your email offers me an opportunity to reaffirm a few especially important concepts.

The first to remember is that fasting, as well as penance, is not the purpose of Christian life.

Christian life essentially consists of supernatural communion with God and supernatural communion with our neighbor.

In other words, the essence of the Christian life consists of charity.

Everything else pertains to the means to achieve this end, that is, to strengthen charity and communion.

2. In light of this principle, you can well see that the fasts you have set for yourself do not favor that communion with God which is especially fulfilled in prayer.

Anemia, weakness and fatigue caused by caring for children and the home are increased very strongly by fasting, so as to completely neutralize your fervor.

In this way, you prevent yourself from feeling that wave of grace and presence of the Lord that is often felt in prayer,and which is a true refreshment for our Christian life and a unique communication of life.

3. All without saying that this anemia and this fatigue make everything heavier and more difficult to bear.

When we are tired and weakened, our virtues are put to a hard test and often other people are forced to pay the price.

4. Therefore, in things such as those pertaining to fasting and penance it is necessary to follow what the Church says.

She is a mother, and a wise mother indeed.

For this reason she limits fasts only to Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

And they are also understood to be performed not as you do with only bread and water, but they involve the consumption of a normal meal, while trying to eat a little less in the other meals.

At the same time, the Church reminds us that those who need energy because of especially hard work, study, and other reasonable motives, are exempted from fasting.

5. On the other hand, we are not exempted from the spirit of penance which is always necessary to keep fervor alive.

This spirit of penance is cultivated above all through the exact fulfillment of our duties.

For a young person, for example, it will consist in applying oneself to the obedience to one’s parents, to the dedication to study, and to the nourishment of one’s soul with the presence of God, with holy thoughts and feelings.

We all know that there are times in which study and obedience cost much.

But if they are practiced as a form of penance in atonement for our sins and also in atonement for the sins of others, and especially if they are done out of love for God, one immediately realizes that the burden that the Lord places on our shoulders is “easy and light”.

For a mother and a wife, the spirit of penance is cultivated, for example, in giving up grumbling and commenting on everything, in holding your tongue about everyone and everything.

6. The practices described facilitate charity more than fasting does.

The latter is sometimes counterproductive, not only for the exhaustion and irritability it can cause, but also because it can deceive people by making them feel ahead in the spiritual life just because of the accumulation of sacrifices.

7. Therefore, practice a lot in the spirit of penance according to the indications I have given you and fast according to the criteria established by Holy Mother Church.

If you want to go further, stick to the confessor’s obedience and do nothing on your own.

And so add your obedience to penance.

The Lord loves obedience more than any sacrifice.

Giving up one’s opinion is also a form of fasting.

I wish you all the best.

May the grace of the Lord descend ever more abundantly on your family and especially on your beloved children.

I assure you of my prayers for everyone and I bless all of you.

Father Angelo