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Dear Father Angelo,

my name is Camilla, I have been exploring for some time the theme of holy friendship between men and women, such as that between Blessed Diana degli Andalò and Blessed Jordan of Saxony or even that between St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane Frances de Chantal, or between St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare.

I wonder: is it possible for God to spiritually join two souls, in favor of his Church, while always keeping absolute purity, there being only a bond of fraternity and mutual help?

And where such a friendship flourishes, would it be right to carry it forward?

And is it true that the Lord sometimes predisposes such souls to know each other through visions, as for example in the case of St. Jane Frances de Chantal?

And what is the position expressed by the Church regarding holy friendships?

Thank you very much for your explanations and for the attention you gave me.


Answer from the priest

Dear Camilla,

1. it is a holy friendship indeed.

Friendship is in itself a very good thing.

When it is holy, it is of an even higher value.

2. It should be noted that, if it is holy, it is wholly pure.

That is testified by the purity of the friends’ lives, as can also be seen from the enlightening examples you reported.

3. Those saints had perfectly mastered themselves and their emotions.

Within them was acting in a special way that last fruit of the Holy Spirit which is called: “self-control” (Gal 5:22).

Some codexes, instead of self-control, write: modesty, continence, and chastity.

Such words say everything that needs to be said.

4. Biblical scholar Albert Vanhoye writes: “The last Greek term in this sequence, translated as self-control, could refer especially to continence, self-control in matters of sexuality. Adding chastity to it, many manuscripts favor this interpretation” (Letter to the Galatians, p. 138).

5. This relationship between saints, before being a spiritual friendship, was an authentic spiritual direction.

The Blessed Jordan, the first successor of Holy Father Dominic in the leadership of our Order, had also succeeded him in the spiritual direction of Blessed Diana degli Andalò.

6. In his letters to the Blessed Cecilia he carries on in writing the spiritual direction which he had previously delivered face to face.

In a letter he writes: “Brother Jordan of the Order of Preachers, useless servant, wishes the very dear Diana sister in Christ to delight in the joy and delights of paradise.

Here, dear sister: led by the grace of God, escorted and equally followed by your prayers and those of my daughters, I arrived safely in Paris.

And now I take care to send you this letter, so that at least from the greetings in it you may receive a bit of comfort, since you have been deprived for a while of my physical presence and my personal conversation and any consolation coming from it”.

7. In spiritual direction it is quite normal that a spiritual fatherhood is established and that there is also a certain spiritual affection on the part of the priest and a sense of gratitude and affection on the part of the person who benefits from his ministry.

The word “spiritual fatherhood” says everything that needs to be said.

8. It is true that sometimes the Lord himself suggests a specific priest as confessor and spiritual director.

That is what happened for St. Margaret Mary Alacoque with regard to Father Claude de la Colombière, and that also happened for St. Faustyna Kowalska with Father Sopocko.

9. It is quite logical that the spiritual director may ask for prayers from the person he directs, especially if he considers that person a saint.

It is quite logical that he may also ask for some sacrifice so that specific problems may be solved, that he explains what these problems are and then gives feedback.

For example, the Blessed Jordan thus concludes his letter to the Blessed Diana: “Pray for me. Bring my greetings to the sisters, very dear daughters in the Lord, and exhort them to pray for the students of Paris, so that God may open their hearts and make them disposed to conversion, and that those who have formulated resolutions of good will be active in putting them into practice and grow with perseverance towards eternal life.”

10. In another letter, he opens his heart to the Blessed Diana and tells her the following: “I had already been preaching to the students of Padua for a long time, and seeing little, indeed almost no fruit, caught by sadness I was thinking of coming back.

And suddenly, the Lord deigned to shake the hearts of many, infusing his grace in them…

Ten already have entered the Order, among them there are two sons of great German counts, one of whom was a great provost and had various dignities and many riches.

The other, however, had a lot of income and was truly noble in lineage and soul” (Vanzan P., Letters to consecrated souls, pp. 33-34).

One of them could be St. Albert the Great, who entered the Order in Padua following a sermon by Master Jordan.

11. For this reason, St. John Bosco, while reminding us that everyone is free to change confessor and spiritual director, said that it is not a bad thing to also keep in mind the bond of spiritual fatherhood which is severed at that moment, and which can also cause a certain displeasure to the confessor, who dedicated his time, prayers and sacrifices to that person.

I bless you, I wish you all the best, and I remember you in prayer.

Father Angelo