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Dear Father Angelo,
I would like to know why “honor your father and your mother” is in the Ten Commandments, but there’s no mention of duties towards one’s own children.
I grew up without a father because the man that was supposed to be my father made himself a new family, had another child to whom he gave affection and economic well being.
He never gave me anything, I practically never existed for him.
I think about him with resentment every day because he didn’t want to face his responsibilities and I curse him and hope God sends him to hell.
(…)
I hope your answer won’t just remind me that it says in the Our Father that we have to forgive our debtors…
I can’t bring myself to forgive him, I hope I won’t end up in hell because of this.
Aside from my resentment, I never practically harmed that person… I just hope he dies and goes to hell.
I thank you in advance for your answer.


Dearest,
1. Even though the fourth commandment doesn’t explicitly mention the duties of parents towards their children, this reminder is very much present in Sacred Scripture.
For this reason, the Catechism of the Catholic Church especially dwells on the duties of parents.
Here are some quotes:

2. “This commandment includes and presupposes the duties of parents, instructors, teachers, leaders, magistrates, those who govern, all who exercise authority over others or over a community of persons“ (CCC 2199).

3. Furthermore, after having dedicated several numbers to make these duties explicit, it says in short:
“Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children in the faith, prayer, and all the virtues. They have the duty to provide as far as possible for the physical and spiritual needs of their children” (CCC 2252).
And “Parents should respect and encourage their children’s vocations. They should remember and teach that the first calling of the Christian is to follow Jesus” (CCC 2253).

4. As regards to your case, what’s the purpose of shouting to the heavens that you want hell for your father?
What use could a prayer of this kind have?
Let me tell you this: this prayer doesn’t merit anything for you, but rather it demerits.

5. It’s true that your spirit has been devastated by such an injustice. And for this I sympathize with your suffering.
But God says: “I swear I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live” (Ezek 33:11).
With your father in hell, perfect justice hasn’t been done, because nothing comes back to you.
You should rather do anything in your power so that your father converts, gives you what you are owed and makes up as much as he can for what you missed out on because of him.
Isn’t this true justice?

6. I will now show you what God asks you to do in order to fill you with every sort of good:
“For the Lord sets a father in honor over his children and confirms a mother’s authority over her sons.
Those who honor their father atone for sins; they store up riches who respect their mother. Those who honor their father will have joy in their own children, and when they pray they are heard.
Those who respect their father will live a long life; those who obey the Lord honor their mother. (Sir 3:2-6).
And also:
“My son, be steadfast in honoring your father; do not grieve him as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fails, be considerate of him; do not revile him because you are in your prime…
Those who neglect their father are like blasphemers; those who anger their mother 

are cursed by the Lord.

7. Therefore, in order for your prayer to be heard, be considerate of the moral misery in which your father got himself into.
Only with these sentiments you will be pleasing to the Lord and He will make up for everything your father refused to give you.

I recommend you to the Lord (and your father as well) and I bless you.
Father Angelo