Question
Dear Father,
Thank you in advance for the patience you granted in accepting to read these lines. I hope to be clear in telling the following. I am a 42-year-old woman, unmarried and still with a temporary occupation (although thanks to God work has always been plentiful for me). I rediscovered faith thanks to a dear friend, who today is also among the Dominican friars, to whom I owe my spiritual life. But at this time it is as if my life had stalled: although paradoxically many things in my life are changing, and I await for evidence of my vocation to be revealed, in order to understand the direction I should follow, however I cannot see clearly what the Lord calls me to do… this is frustrating! I always thought that I would get married, fulfilling the desire for a family that never came, and then believed that the Lord wanted me all for himself as a consecrated lay and this has always had a certain influence on me, and it also gave me a dreadful fear…
Yes, Father, I think I was afraid of what the Lord can ask, and therefore I do not face Truth to avoid seeing myself in the attitude of the rich young man and not to feel that strong heart-splitting pain.
Yes, because I believe that resolving to face Truth, before joy leads to so much suffering, as it forces you to see what you are… I do not want to disappoint the Lord but do His will, but this has a high cost. The point is that I do not want to suffer like He has suffered for me and so make myself worthy of a Love that I do not even remotely dare to imagine. I should be more humble to be able to trust Christ and let myself be led without asking questions. I’m not able, I’m not able yet… and time passes and what is lost cannot be recovered and with justice I will also have to be accountable for this. I do not have a spiritual guide but I have the grace to be surrounded by saint men who live faith not only in words. They are for me a constant example of love for the things of God and for edification. Why do I turn to you? Because even through you I am looking for the word of God to lift this light haze that every now and then clouds my gaze.
Thank you.
May God bless you for the good that you do.
Anna
Answer from the priest
Dear Anna,
1. Vocation is generally born out of attraction, out of abandon.
This is somehow like falling in love.
When there is a vocation you follow the Lord with enthusiasm, you are ready for anything.
2. It may be that the Lord is calling you.
But right now you first need the spark to strike that will ignite your flame.
Once it is burning, you will not be afraid any more to give yourself to the Lord.
3. As far as love is concerned, He will give you his heart to love him.
For it is not human love, but supernatural and divine love.
4. He will do it gradually. Do not be afraid.
He will do so as to make you desire what he proposes to you.
For this he said: “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light” (Mt 11:29-30).
5. His yoke is his love.
The Lord generously infuses his love into our hearts, because he gives it without measure, as He himself promised: “He does not ration his gift of the Spirit” (Jn 3:34).
6. Thus ask Him for his love incessantly.
As the Holy Father Dominic did, ask the Lord every day to give you an increasingly great love for Him.
Everything will then become sweet and light.
I hope you can walk like your dear friend who is among the Dominican friars.
For this reason I will keep you in my prayers and I bless you.
Father Angelo
