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Question

Dear Father Angelo,

I call on you once again, thanking you for your precious work. May God bless you for the charity in truth which is your “trademark”.

I come to my question.

Two months ago my uncle died, after a rather long illness which, however, did not cloud his mental abilities: he remained lucid until a few hours before his final departure. The problem is that he was not aware of being near the end: until the last moment his family made him hope for a solution that never came.

So likely, my uncle died unknowingly, probably without examining his conscience: surely, he did not go to Confession, did not receive Communion, nor the extreme Anointing.

My uncle was not religious, he did not attend the Sacraments: he used to say that now science has explained all those mysteries that were previously explained by religion.

Nonetheless, he sent his daughter (atheist) to church and he asked me (considered the “family’s religious”) to pray for him: not quite for his soul’s salvation, but for his healing from the disease.

As for me, my conscience told me that I should tell him that he was close to death, urge him to confess, etc. to be in God’s grace in the final moment.

Instead … I kept silent.

I kept silent because I feared his reaction, which – I imagined without being sure, this is the problem – could be despair, panic, discouragement; I also feared the reaction from his family, like possibly  accusing me of having made him die in despair; to silence the dying person’s condition is a rather common way of thinking and acting in order to “not scare him”.

However, I prayed and asked for the Chaplet of Divine Mercy to be prayed  for him, and had a Mass said, all while he was still alive.

My question is: was I wrong keeping silent about the truth to my uncle? Am I responsible if he is damned? May my prayers have canceled my possible responsibility? Might my prayers have “replaced” his confession?

As my mother is sick and the circumstance may recur, I ask you: how should a Christian behave in these situations: does one have the duty to speak out, whatever is the cost? And what if the dying person gets desperate? That does not appear to be the best way to present oneself to God.

In short, how should one behave when facing a dying person who is a poor believer if not even one at all?

I thank you and bless you.

Luca

The priest’s answer

Dear Luca,

1. First of all, I thank you for finding in our column a brand, which is the trademark of the Order of St Dominic: charity in truth, or also truth in charity.

Coming now to your question: how to deal with the sick who are approaching the end of their life?

First of all they should always be encouraged by giving them a word of hope: hope in medicine and even more hope in God’s help.

This uncle of yours asked for prayers as soon as he saw you.

St. Thomas says that prayer is the interpreter of hope.

This means that this uncle had hope in the help of God, of Our Lady and of the Saints.

Along with these explicit acts of hope there were also those of faith in God and in the help from Heaven.

I think that in the long hours of his illness he entrusted himself to the Lord. He may not have thought about eternal life (but who knows?), but he certainly had hope in a help that would come from the highest as well as from the earth.

2. It is true he did not receive the Sacraments, which prepare a soul to enter Paradise.

However, you prayed with the chaplet of Divine Mercy. You made others pray for him. Above all, you had a Holy Mass celebrated for him, which is the source of all graces and blessings.

I am convinced that the Lord, by virtue of what he promised to Saint Faustina Kowalska, will have afforded him the repentance of sins: “I shall treat every soul that says this Chaplet as My glory, and I shall grant it My defense at the hour of death; also those at whose deathbed others say the Chaplet shall be granted the same indulgence” (Diary 811).

Therefore I trust that your uncle is saved.

3. You ask me if your prayers could have “replaced” his confession.

Well, not that.

But they may have obtained the grace of repentance and abandonment to God.

4. One cannot enter Paradise without grace, which is the wedding garment.

The ordinary ways to acquire and increase grace are constituted by the Sacraments.

Nonetheless,God’s grace is not tied to the Sacraments. How many righteous people of the Old Testament received grace by God without having gone through the Sacraments.

However, the grace given outside the Sacraments always includes some repentance of one’s sins and, at least implicitly, also a leaning  to confession.

5. It seems to me you have nothing to reproach yourself about your uncle.

Cautiousness was required considering both his eventual reaction and that of his family members.

You did what you ought to do.

Now continue doing so with suffrages.

6. He said that now science explains everything: if that might be true!

Certainly, it does not explain the meaning of life.

7. About your mother, referring to the religious aspect, I hope her situation is different from your uncle’s.

Together with her meanwhile, you can pray, take the opportunities to confess and receive Holy Communion.

Moreover, you can always pray with her to invoke her healing and place yourselves in the hands of the Lord.

Also, if she can’t leave the house, you can say: maybe a blessing wouldn’t harm. So you can arrange for a visit from the priest, who could tell her about the possibility of receiving Holy Communion.

On that possible occasion, she will have the opportunity to receive the absolution of her sins,too.

8. This way, the priest coming into your home wouldn’t necessarily indicate that something tragic is about to happen.

On a possible worsening of the disease, she could be advised to receive the Anointing of the sick for her healing.

This Sacrament, unless it is internally refused, always produces its effect: the healing of the body, or of the soul, or both.

In my opinion, things must always be done with prudence and grace. So that nobody gets scared. On the contrary, everybody is filled with hope and serene abandonment to the Lord’s will.

I wish you to be able to do with others as well as you did with your uncle.

The Lord will bless you and, together with Him, the people you have helped to take the final step of their life in such a beautiful and meritorious way.

I bless you too.

Father Angelo