I am dating a girl who does not have the same faith as mine. I cannot help but talk about Jesus. How can I avoid talking of my faith and of Jesus!? He is everything to me.

Dear Father Angelo,

my name is …, I have been reading your answers on the web for a while and I quite esteem you. I decided to write for my question as well.

I am 24, and I am determined to love a girl, lately. Until recently, I was quite selective in the matter, I would have courted only believers and practicing catholics. However, given the difficulty in my life of meeting this kind of people and the fact that I hang out with “worldly” company, lately I decided to be more open, trusting in the fact that if a person is attracted to me, if I am a bit Christian, she will be attracted to my faith too, and to Christ, the principle of all my beautiful things.

So, I dated a girl I like. I went on the first date and now I feel confused. I realize that I cannot avoid talking about Jesus. I had in mind to try to stay calm and less explosive, to avoid any impression of proselytism, especially at the beginning of an acquaintance. But… I cannot help but talk about Jesus. How can I avoid talking of my faith and of Jesus!? He is everything to me. That is why I am a bit confused.

I know that I would not be myself if I stopped talking about Jesus, and I know I am so misunderstood by the world, like Baudelaire’s albatross.

The point is… how can I hang out with a girl who has a different faith and still have good conversations? If I must moderate my talking about Christ, that I am peaceful because of Him, that I am happy because of Him, that He is the meaning of my life, if I must be careful about all that, then I feel helpless. Those, who do not believe, may have many various and comprehensive talks, but mine often aims toward the name of Jesus. I do not know how to behave and I am a bit discouraged.

I would like to love a girl but I feel at a crossroads when facing up to a girl who does not have my faith. Either I speak clearly and fervently, with dreamy eyes for my Beloved, or I moderate myself but ending up speechless unless telling fairy tales. I would like to shout the name of Jesus. Precisely, I will never be shy because of Jesus nor hide my faith but… I feel so fiery and hot-blooded. I fear to appear boring in her eyes, or extravagant, or a failed priest. I fear to scare her.

What can you tell me, dear Father? I thought to go slow at first and then to witness more on other dates, but on the first date and during the conversation I liked talking so much about Him, and saying that He is the Joy, Peace, and Happiness, Whom she is seeking too. What is your advice? If I moderated myself, I would not know what else to tell her while dealing with confidential and main topics, and I would feel castrated.

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The Priest’s answer

Dear,

1. If I were in your place I would do the same thing because Jesus Christ is everything to us: He is the beginning of our being, He is the One Who gives us everything, He is the One Whom all things are ordered for.

Holy Scriptures say: “all things were created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” (Col 1:16-17).

2. Your experience is like Edith Stein’s, the Jew who converted to Christianity.

After her conversion, she was called to hold philosophy conferences everywhere. At every conference she always gave a reference to Jesus Christ.

Someone pointed this out to her and asked for more neutral speaking.

But she replied that she could not do it because Jesus Christ is the end for everything.

3. Two statements, attributed to Fyodor Dostoevsky, struck me.

The first: “If God does not exist, then everything is permitted.”

It is a paradoxical statement but it means that God is the foundation of ethics, of morality.

If there is no target to be necessarily reached, everything becomes optional.

I understand how you feel the need to tell your girlfriend about it to give her an inner solidity.

4. The second statement: “If God exists, then it is worth speaking only of him”.

Yes, because He is everything, as the Holy Scripture recalls: “More than this we need not add; let the last word be, «he is all in all!»” (Sir 43:28).

He is everything not in a material sense, but because everything has its beginning and its end in Him. Everything is a reflection and a reminder of His perfections. Indeed, it is a reflection and a reminder of Himself.

In this sense, Saint Augustine said: “ heaven and earth and all that is  therein ” , on every side, they call me to love Thee (omnia clamant ut amem te), nor do they cease to call to all “that they may be without excuse.” (rf. Rm 1:20)” (The confessions, X, 6, 8).

5. And, as Jesus Christ is God Who made Himself visible in human form, whatever we say of God we can say of Jesus Christ too.

In the book of the Imitation of Christ we read these words “Jesus meus et omnia”, which can be translated as: “Jesus is my God and my all” (Book 3, chap. 34).

6. That said, in real occasions, one must not always speak of Jesus. In our life, some topics and problems indelibly engage our attention.

Jesus said: “give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God.”

You may have conversations on topics which Jesus Christ does not expressly deal with.

While you may wait for the appropriate time for an explicit reference to Jesus Christ, you may discuss these issues dealing with them according to God, even without naming Him and, doing precisely so, you never fail to obey the law of God in your talks, feelings, and actions.

7. About our St. Father Dominic we read that “he always spoke either with God or about God and commanded his brothers to do the same”.

That does not mean that he materially addressed every word to the Lord or to speak of the Lord because at the same time “no one was more cheerful than he was”. Therefore, his speech also affected others, trying to arouse good humor in everyone, generating great serenity and joy. It was a pleasure to be with him.

You too, therefore, behave as the situation requires.

8. I recommend one last thing to you: sometimes it can be more useful to tell the Lord about a certain person than to tell a person about the Lord, because in those moments one might not be willing to listen.

More useful means more ability to bear fruit.

Now, a well-done prayer always bears fruit.

However, our speeches do not always have the same effect.

Wishing you to be like our St. Father Dominic, I bless you,

Father Angelo

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