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Dear Father Angelo,
I have two questions regarding fraternal correction.
I’ll start out by saying that my husband and I go to Mass everyday (unless we have some extra-ordinary commitment) and my children are faithful attendees of the Sunday Mass. I’ve been married for 24 years and unfortunately the marriage has many problems; there are two issues in my husband’s behavior that I find particularly serious which have never improved during the years. My husband lies a lot and he’s constantly making commitments he doesn’t keep, not even in part, which seems serious to me, especially because he sets a bad example to the children. Furthermore, even though he retired young many years ago and, consequently, has a lot of free time, he never took an interest in the education of the children, he doesn’t spend time with them, playing, watching a movie, dedicating time and attention to them… he basically didn’t establish a relationship with them. I tried having him read the explanation of the fourth commandment that is in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which highlights the duties of the parents towards the children, but he always answers: “Thank you for letting me know, I didn’t know this” and doesn’t change his behavior. Am I in the wrong for insisting on this all these years? Can I stop acting as his good conscience? I’ve often been told that Christian spouses need to help each other go to Heaven hand in hand, but I worry that my interventions are useless, or maybe even counterproductive, since they didn’t bring about any results.
The second question is about the children. A Catholic friend of mine who has adult children (the same age as mine) says that we can’t involve ourselves in our children’s lives, if they decide not to go to Mass or to cohabitate we shouldn’t say anything. I disagree: we obviously can’t force anybody but, as a mother, I don’t think it’s out of place for me to tell my child that a Christian needs to sanctify the holiday and should think about marriage, instead of cohabitation. Am I too overbearing?
I apologize for the long letter, I hope you can clear out these doubts I’ve been carrying with me for many years and I sincerely thank you If you decide to answer.
God bless you!

Dearest,
1. First of all, I’m happy to hear that you and your husband go to Mass everyday.
It’s a continuous blessing for you and your family.
The prayer that precedes the preface of the Mass for the 26th Sunday of Ordinary Time Year B says that Mass is the “source of every blessing”.
The Mass is indeed the memorial of the death of Our Lord (1Cor 11:26). And Jesus with His passion and death purchased us all at a price (1Cor 6:20).
Therefore, keep going to daily Mass and tap into this source of every grace for you, for your children and for the needs of the Church and the world.
Saint Francis of Assisi “considered it to be disrespectful not to hear, if time allowed, at least one Mass a day” (Franciscan sources 789).

2. Now, coming to your two questions:
regarding the first: since your husband, despite your appeals, doesn’t change his behavior, you can relax your criticism.
However, it is necessary to stimulate him at least regarding some things.
Mothers and spouses also have the duty to comfort, to urge and to stimulate.
It would be a problem if they were to neglect this vocation that is written in their very nature.
Sometimes children and husbands can find them too nagging. But their function is irreplaceable.
For this reason as well we read in Sacred Scripture “Her husband trusts her judgment” (Prov 31:11).

3. Regarding the second question we should keep in mind that children must be educated by persuasion.
It is necessary to make clear always the reasons why we should act in a certain way, especially considering that the stimuli that come from the world push them in a very different direction.
If it is true that the moral and spiritual formation of every person is a work that is never finished, this is even more true regarding the education of children as well.
When the Holy Spirit speaks through Saint Paul and says: “Proclaim the word; be persistent whether it is convenient or inconvenient; convince, reprimand, encourage through all  patience and teaching.
For the time will come when people will not tolerate sound doctrine” (2Tim 4:2-3) He is also speaking about the education of children.  

4. Such formation primarily flows through your life testimony because actions speak louder than words.
The home, other than the Church, is the place where our faith is nourished and strengthened.
I think about the father of Saint Therese of the Child Jesus who every night read the life of the Saint celebrated the following day, including the related practice that one should do.
He had a book dedicated to this which should be updated and read every night with the entire family. It would do a lot of good to everybody, from parents, to children and consequently to many other people.
Without preaching, evangelization and formation would be breathed in the air of our own homes.

5. But in addition to this, it’s always necessary for us to correct the errors of thought and behavior that we hear and see.
Just like it’s necessary to continuously recall the goal towards which our life has to move: sanctification.

I assure you and your beautiful family of my prayer.
I will remember you in the Mass and bless you.
Father Angelo