Father, I would like to talk about my situation, though it may seem silly to you, because it is typical of a boy of my age.
My name is… I’m 22 years old. Three months and a week ago, I broke up with my girlfriend, for reasons of little or no importance. I’ve been praying to the Lord for a long time, but it seems that, instead of finding answers, things are worsening. Last year, around this time, we broke up for the first time; we were apart only for sixteen days, but I prayed so intensely, dear father, that she came back to me.
I live in a family of faith, and by my own choice, I am a believer, too. We are all devoted to Saint Pio (of Pietrelcina, t.n.) especially my father, and I find myself praying to him a lot these days. Now this breakup seems to be final, and this girl played an important role in my life. We first met when we were kids and we shared four years of our life together. We were officially engaged after only two months of going out together. I loved her family, just as mine. In her mother and father I could see my parents and yet in the end they turned out to be the ones who caused everything to fall apart.
I do not want to deny that I haven’t been going to Church in a long time, and I did not go to confession. I also can not deny that I have often blasphemed the Lord intentionally and futilely, but when it happens I feel so sorry immediately.
Now she is seeing a friend of mine, and although I have spoken several times with this boy, he continues to go out with her, playing the part of the consoler, but what he really wants is to become intimate with her.
This boy is a few years younger than me, but despite my attempts to make him think carefully, he left the group rather than quit his misconduct…. Now I don’t know what to do, father, and deep down I feel empty and very much lostl; I really need a guide, an advice, to help me get back on my feet in this tough period of my life.
I pray, I pray relentlessly, but this time no one seems to want to hear my prayers. (…).
I would like to understand if it’s all to be blamed on me and how I could fix it. I would very much like the Lord to put an end to this horrible time of mine and grant me to live peaceably with all men.
Awaiting your reply, father,
The priest’s answer
1. I am ashamed to answer you this late (June 2020) and I apologize.
Unfortunately only now I was able to get to October’s (2019) emails. I’m all the more sorry because you were experiencing a particularly painful moment.
I would be happy knowing that everything was reconciled with your girlfriend, but I’m afraid it did not, because there is another person involved.
2. I believe you must have wondered a great deal about your girlfriend’s decision.
There can be many reasons actually , but in general the first reason is due to the lack of purity (chastity) in mutual feelings.
3. Only through purity it is possible to achieve self-control and become capable of maintaining faith in one’s love.
It is purity that strengthens the desire not to give oneself to anyone but one’s groom or bride.
4. I am happy that you prayed a lot and prayed to Padre Pio.
But perhaps the answer from Heaven might be just this: if you want the fidelity of your girlfriend before marriage and during marriage, help her to be pure. Help her to be chaste.
Virtues, especially that of fidelity, are not the result of improvisation.
5. You also tell me that you haven’t been to Mass in a while and you don’t go to confession; and that you also happen to swear for nothing.
Well, maybe your insistent prayer to God, through the intercession of Padre Pio, is going to obtain a special grace for you: to understand that you must establish your life and your affections in Christ.
Jesus must be the starting point and the culmination of our whole life and of all our affections.
“[…] all things were created through him and for him” (Col 1:16).
These are not rhetorical words, instead they are the truest and most fundamental words of our existence.
6. Our Christian life’s commitment, day after day, must revolve around this truth and make it real.
These are the good tidings of the Gospel.
That is how a couple’s mutual affection must lead to another affection, namely towards the Lord, king and center of all hearts.
7. You can’t achieve this goal without Eucharist, without Confession, without a life of grace.
It is like a fish wanting to live out of the water.
8. As you can see, there is something fundamental in your life, which from a human point of view is already a good one,
that must be recovered: living in Christ and in view of Christ.
Many engagements and also many marriages are bound to fail because they are not hinged in Him. We could say that they are already in a state of failure without realizing it.
9. So resume your Christian life and reset your life, almost as if you started from scratch.
Let Jesus be at its center.
Saint Peter said of Him: “There is no salvation through anyone else, nor is there any other name under heaven given to the human race by which we are to be saved.”(Acts 4:12).
Your engagement and your marriage are safe only in the Savior.
I think this is Padre Pio’s answer to your insistent and zealous prayer.
I assure you of my prayers and my blessing.
Translated by Riccardo Mugnaini