Chastity should indeed not be confused with sexual abstinence, because everyone, including married couples, is called to live it in accordance with the requirements of their status.

Dear Father Angelo Bellon,
today I stumbled upon an article referring to a recent speech by the pontifex regarding sexuality and chastity. In particular this sentence “Sex is a gift of God and chastity should not be confused with abstinence” has left me, as a young fiance and believer, a bit perplexed regarding its correct meaning.
On one hand, as part of this speech he excludes casual relationships, on the other hand by means of these terms could you potentially justify a sexual life in a love story within the context of two engaged persons? Is the speech incorrectly quoted in the news article or could its meaning actually be ambiguous? I’ve always been of the idea that sex before marriage is a sin and that the chastity pre marriage is interpreted literally, meaning abstinence until marriage itself.

Thank you in advance for your helpful response,
Sincerely,
Francesco.

The Priest’s answer

Dear Francesco,
1. It is true that the chastity isn’t to be intended as sexual abstinence, since there is a chastity that even spouses are meant to live. The chastity of spouses consists in making use of the marriage according to God, with neither contraception nor lust.

2. Chastity means sheltering love from counterfeits.
It is indeed easy to mistake love for the passion of the senses.
This holds true for everyone, be it fiances or spouses.

3. Chastity requires you to dominate your own self, in order to preserve your inner freedom. If loving means gifting, no one can donate himself without being his own lord, he wouldn’t own himself.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church writes “The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.” (CCC 2339).
In a further document of the  ecclesiastical teaching it reads “chastity is spiritual energy that frees human love from selfishness and aggression”.

Unhappiness is tied to selfishness and aggression.

4. Necessarily, outside marriage chastity is expressed also by means of sexual abstinence. On this it helps to remind the Church doctrine when it speaks about the purity of love that the fiances are called toward.
Such doctrine is expressed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

5. Here is a first major statement. “Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.” (CCC 2350).

If you really think about these words, you realize that they say it all.

6. In particular: “The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage. Outside of marriage it always constitutes a grave sin and excludes one from sacramental communion.” (CCC 2390).

7.What you wrote at the end of your mail: “I’ve always been of the idea that sex before marriage is a sin and that the chastity pre marriage is interpreted literally, meaning abstinence until marriage itself.” is correct. It conforms to the law of God and to the doctrine of the Church. 

I bless you, wish you well and will remember you in my prayers.
Father Angelo.

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