Dear Father Bellon,

Does sexuality between two elderly people (73 and 65 years old) who are single, not living together, and not married (he is a widower, recovering from an unwanted divorce, she has never married, has no children or family of her own, and is not romantically involved with anyone) and who have known each other for twenty years place them in a state of mortal sin? I should point out that these two people love and care for each other even though they don’t live together…

Thank you for your reply, may the Lord God bless you.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas.

Priest’s answer

Dear friend,

1. I’ll tell you what the Church’s doctrine teaches.

It is summarized in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

2. Here, then, is the Church’s doctrine: “In a so-called free union, a man and a woman refuse to give juridical and public form to a liaison involving sexual intimacy.

The expression “free union” is fallacious: what can “union” mean when the partners make no commitment to one another, each exhibiting a lack of trust in the other, in himself, or in the future?

The expression covers a number of different situations: concubinage, rejection of marriage as such, or inability to make long-term commitments. All these situations offend against the dignity of marriage; they destroy the very idea of the family; they weaken the sense of fidelity. They are contrary to the moral law. The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage. Outside of marriage it always constitutes a grave sin and excludes one from sacramental communion” (CCC 2390).

3. “Carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another” (CCC 2391).

4. Carnal union between two unmarried older people falls within the category of free union or fornication.

The moral evaluation does not change according to the age.

5. To understand this doctrine, it is necessary to keep in mind the goal: sanctification.

For this reason, the Catechism of the Catholic Church says:

“Christ is the model of chastity. Every baptized person is called to lead a chaste life, each according to his particular state of life” (CCC 2394).

6. The Catechism of the Catholic Church adds: “Among the sins gravely contrary to chastity are masturbation, fornication, pornography, and homosexual practices” (CCC 2396).

7. And: “The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception).” (CCC 2399).

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to succinctly present the Church’s doctrine on a matter so important and crucial for sanctification. For God has called us to this, and we will be judged on this.

I wish you a peaceful and holy Christmas. I bless you and remember you in prayer.

Father Angelo

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