Hello Father,

some non-Christians asked me whether the indissolubility of marriage also applies in the case of proven violence by one of the two spouses. From what I learned, I answered that it does, however a doubt arose in me.

I would like a clarification. My answer was that the marriage vows say: “in good times and in bad”. Bad times can mean a lot of things, such as the spouse’s inability to manage the economy of the household or to hold down a job (with the economic difficulties that follow), but also anger/violence, etc… and therefore the other spouse should take up the cross of tolerating all this.

I do not hide the fact that, while I was stating such things, I did not actually agree with them either.

I sincerely hope that the Church can make exceptions in such serious cases.

Thank you for your attention.

Answer from the priest

Dear Son,

1. marriage is not indissoluble by ecclesiastical law, but by divine law, that is, by its very nature.

The gift of self that the spouses exchange with each other at the moment of marital consent is irrevocable.

In that gift there is a sort of expropriation of oneself by which one declares that one belongs to the other for good.

From that moment on, no one belongs to themselves, but one spouse belongs to the other, with whom he or she constitutes one thing.

All of this is true because of the actuality of things, because this is how it happens, even before we speak of marriage – sacrament.

2. All of this is because of natural law, whose author is God.

Now, with regard to the law of God, the Church just has to obey and act as a minister.

Jesus himself said: “what God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mk 10:9).

Not even the Church, which is made up of men, has the power to nullify a true and valid marriage.

3. Having established these principles, let us consider the specific case that you present.

The Church has always acknowledged that when cohabitation is impossible because, for example, of violence, constant mistreatment or other serious reasons, when in short cohabitation is “cum contumelia Creatoris”, that is, when it is a constant insult to the Creator, it is possible, it is lawful, and sometimes it is even a duty to separate.

In this way, one tries to save what can be saved.

4. Separation does not mean that marriage no longer exists, because it remains eternally valid before God.

But in some cases, while acknowledging the immutability of the conjugal bond, the resolution is reached that it is more just in the actual and specific situation to live separately.

In this regard, the Catechism of the Catholic Church says that “the separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law” (CCC 2383).

5. St. Rita of Cascia, faced with a violent husband and conscious that God had given her a man, a husband, so that she would guard him for eternal life, did not leave home.

She embraced the cross, lived with the same sentiments as Jesus, and brought her husband to conversion in the same way that Christ with his behavior brought the good thief to conversion.

But ordinary mortals are not as virtuous as St. Rita was.

Therefore, separation remains lawful and sometimes even necessary.

6. In some cases, even civil divorce could be admissible, not out of pretense of making invalid before God what remains eternally valid, but as a device, as an aid that legislation allows, to better protect oneself, the good of the children, or even the family’s assets.

In this respect, the Catechism of the Catholic Church says that “if civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense” (CCC 2383).

7. As we can see, a true, honorable, and sanctifying solution can be found without coming to the conclusion that the Church in some cases can deviate from God’s law.

That cannot happen. It would be an outrage to God.

I wish you a peaceful and Holy Easter, I bless you, and remember you in prayer.

Father Angelo

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