Dear Father Angelo,
I am writing to you to get an answer on a question that has been tormenting me for some time now. I am a 32 years old woman, civilly married and with a one year old child.
When I was 18, I committed the most terrible crime I could have ever done, I had an abortion on purpose, cutting off the life from the child I was carrying in my womb, contravening the word of life that the Lord has given us through the fifth commandment. The child’s father is now my husband, I decided also against his will, I was only thinking about myself and about the idols I was surrounding myself with, including my career, I thought that it was the only thing that mattered and that a child would hinder my plans. God wasn’t in my life at that time, I lived in mediocrity and in my perfectionism.
A few years ago I lost a very dear person, whom an incurable disease struck down in a short time. From that moment, I met a priest who brought me closer to the Lord and there my conversion began, I started my journey through faith together with my husband and my life completely changed.
I am truly happy today, the Sacred Word marks my days and I experience a joy in my heart I never felt before.
We find ourselves today wanting to celebrate the religious marriage, we want it so much, but I carry this pain in my heart of the abominable murder that I committed many years ago.
My question is: is there salvation for us? Can we get married or is it not possible for me since I had a voluntary abortion?
I sincerely thank you.
1. “Our sins weigh on us, but You forgive our sins” (Ps 65,4). We have all committed the greatest crime: we pierced the Son of God: “He was pierced for our crimes, crushed for our iniquities” (Is 53,5). The sin that overwhelms you is a warning to all of us: we must all be in humility because of the death of Jesus Christ whom we have crucified and who continues being crucified in so many hearts.
2. You are saddened by what you did when you didn’t think about what you did. But the pain of having eliminated that child must stimulate in you, as in all of us, an even greater pain: that of having pierced the Son of God. “This thought makes me cry, cry, cry”: this is how a spiritual song of the late 60’s expressed itself “You were on the cross of Jesus”.
3. You ask me if there is salvation for you. But for everyone there is hope of salvation because the very One we pierced wanted to convert our own sin into atonement for our sins. Jesus wanted to pay everything on his flesh. This is the reason for our hope. There is emotion to cry for such great love!
4. After your conversion (who knows that your child who flew innocent and martyred before God did not get it for you?) your life has totally changed. Now you understand the mediocrity and perfectionism of the past. Perhaps in those days you had the impression of being so emancipated: living without God and with the mirage of a career. God is now entered into you. He enters into you with the light of His Word every day. And this light makes everything flourish in the same way that sunlight gives life and makes everything that lives grow.
5. Then to your question: is there salvation for us? I answer: salvation has already entered. Every day it reaches you. The Word you hear is not just any word, but it is a living Word (Eb 4,12). It is a Person indeed: it is Christ, the Word of the living God. It is Salvation itself.
6. Therefore never doubt this. The thought that wants to question your salvation does not come from God, but from your adversary who enjoys disturbing and leading to despair. Remove any doubts of salvation vigorously. Take it as a providential opportunity to let yourself be enlightened again by the Word of the day and welcome it into your life. You too can say at that moment: “Salvation has entered this house today” (Lc 19,9). That salvation is Christ, his Word. And that house is your person, your life.
7. Always listen to that Word with great devotion. And while you listen to it, repeat to yourself: salvation has entered my home right now. Keep bringing this salvation into your life every day. And after letting her in, embrace Christ who returned to you with his “Word of salvation” (At 13,26).
I thank you for giving me the chance to remember these beautiful and comforting realities of our Christian life. I wish you all the best, even for your next religious wedding, I remind you to the Lord and I bless you.