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Dear Father Angelo,

Before I begin I want to thank you for the illuminating answers you give to your readers and to me whenever I write to you; you do a lot of good for souls and I hope that you will be able to continue doing so for a long time, because nowadays there is a great need of pastors who show us the way to salvation.

I’m asking for your advice about something very important: my future.

I don’t know how to discern God’s will for me, for my life. My only certainty is that I want to do something great and beautiful for the Lord, who I love and I want to serve with all my heart. I have always had this desire, I don’t find true joy in anything else, in nothing the world has to offer.

In short, I often feel “called”, but the desire to fall in love with a girl (to be honest, there is one I like), form a family, have children to bring up in the faith and offer to the Lord is also present in me. I have to say that I find it fascinating when a lay person, somebody you don’t expect, gives testimony of authentic faith.

You see, I’m … years old, I’m no longer a kid, but I have yet to begin my journey. I’m immobilized and stuck at this crossroad, also because of my troubled past when it comes to purity.

What can I do to understand what the Lord wants from me? Sometimes I get mad, it seems as He doesn’t answer and I remain stuck between two opposite “callings”, feeling pulled more towards one or the other depending on the moment.

What should I do?

Thank you for your answer, I’m hopefully waiting for it. 

Dear friend,

1. In order to find out what the Lord wants from you, you have to make your life crystal-clear.

In the same way as the waters of a lake need to be calm and clean in order to see the bed, you need to do the same if you want to know God and His ways.

2. I therefore especially recommend you practice the virtue of purity.

When it comes to this, desires are not sufficient. There needs to be the serene and content practice of this virtue.

3. Chastity is a virtue that you can’t improvise.

It’s the fruit of a life that doesn’t let itself be caged by any temptation and walks with perseverance in the ways of God.

It’s a virtue that can’t exist without the others.

As Saint Thomas reminds us, it grows hand in hand with all the others because virtues grow together simultaneously like the fingers of a hand. Therefore there is no purity if there isn’t also temperance, fortitude, rectitude and loyalty towards everyone, if there isn’t the will to walk the good path according to God’s design.

4. Saint John Chrysostom, while commenting the beatitude proclaimed by the Lord for the pure of heart who will see God (Mt 5:8), writes: “For there is nothing which we need so much in order to see God, as this last virtue [chastity]” (Homily on the Gospel of Matthew 5:8).

It isn’t just necessary to see God, but to see His designs as well.

5. Saint Paul reminds us that the “ministries of God” need to present themselves “with purity” (2 Cor 6:4-6). In Latin we read: “in castitate”.

A Saint who founded a Religious Congregation used to say that, if a young person has not a practice of persevering and consolidated chastity, the confessor can’t give him permission to ascend in the Sacred Order.

The same is for a confessor who helps a young person discern their vocation. Until there isn’t chastity, there isn’t enough clarity to say that there is a [religious] vocation.

There can be the signs of a vocation. But these same signs can be found in many young people who discern the path of marriage.

6. Saint John of Avila, doctor of the Church, in his “Treatise on the Priesthood” tells the story of why Saint Francis didn’t want to become a priest: “There is no reason to leave the blessed Saint Francis out of this list. Completely against his will and contained by obedience, he was ordained a deacon. Once he was in that rank, many tried to persuade him to go on to be ordained to say Mass. With much fear and affliction, Francis commended himself to Our Lord, imploring Him to show His Holy Will so that he could fulfill it.

As he was going along the road thinking about this matter, and persevering in asking light from the Lord, an angel appeared to him. He held a flask in his hand, clear and transparent as crystal and full of clear and shining liqueur. The angel said these words to him: “As clear as this liqueur and this glass, must the soul of the priest be.” Considering that brilliance and great purity and comparing it with the disposition of his soul, it seemed to Francis that his purity was insufficient to celebrate a Mass. This remained so impressed upon his soul, so that he never again, much he was invited, was it possible to succeed in getting him to be ordained a priest.” (Ch. 3 – Priestly Humility). 

7. I’m not saying this to discourage you.

With spiritual combat, with the grace of God and with a lot of prayer, you can reach a level of chastity that would allow your confessor to say: “Yes, you have what it takes, you can become a good Priest”.

Saint Augustine left much to be desired in this respect when he was a teenager and a young man. The intervention of grace freed him in such an unexpected and profound way that he was able to say: “That which I was afraid of losing before [impurity], I’m now very glad to have left behind”.

He never fell again in that way.

8. A lot of prayer is also necessary.

That Saint, founder of a Religious Congregation, that I was talking to you about, wrote in regards to purity: “First of all, prayer. Oh, this good virtue that isn’t preserved without prayer! And everybody agrees with this: Sacred Scripture, Holy Fathers, spiritual masters. Pray, pray well, always pray. “Semper orare!” (Lk 18:1).

If prayer is necessary to obtain all graces, it is ever more necessary to preserve chastity.

It is so, as Cassian rightly says, because, on account of the strong tendency towards the opposite vice, it is impossible to preserve ourselves chaste on our own, without a special help from God, without a miracle.

Saint Cyprian confirms: “Among the ways to obtain chastity, the first and main one is to ask for help from above” (De disciplina et bono pudicitiae, 14). For his part, Saint Gregory of Nyssa says that “prayer is the guardian of purity” (De oratione).

Chrysostom says that fasting and prayer are like two wings who elevate the soul above thunderstorms, make it more ardent than fire, terrible for its enemies. And he ends with: “Nothing and nobody is more powerful than the one who prays” (Homilies on the Gospel of Matthew, 57).

9. As you can see, I didn’t tell you which path you have to choose, but I wanted to highlight an essential condition.

I’m sure that with a consolidated practice of purity everything will become clearer.

In the hope that you will be able to understand which way God is calling you, I assure you, first of all, of my prayer, I wish you well and bless you.

Father Angelo