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Dear Father Angelo,

Let me introduce myself: I am a 32-year-old woman who has been married for about a year.

My husband and I went through a beautiful journey of preparation for the wedding. We both were able to remain virgin until the day of our wedding, even if it was not easy. I would like to tell all the engaged couples who will read this letter that it was worth it: it is indescribable the joy that you feel when you both arrive pure to the wedding day, and together, you can say: Marco, from today I am all yours and you are completely mine!

I thank the Lord for this gift in the same way I thank him for our marriage.

Now I come to the question, Father. Marco, my husband, is very sweet and caring with me; during intimacy he always makes sure that I too can reach the apex of pleasure with him. Despite this, sometimes (I think it’s in our nature as women) I can’t reach this climax and, if he realizes it, after his pleasure he begins to stimulate me with caresses and kisses, so that I can also reach the apex. Here is the thing, Father: I am happy that my husband is so considerate with me, nevertheless, I want to make sure that our behavior does not count as masturbation. I don’t want to do anything that is contrary to God’s will.

I thank you for the time you will dedicate to us. I ask you for a prayer, so that the Lord may bless our union with the birth of many children (I come from a large family, I would be happy to have my own large family one day).

Priest’s answer

Dear friend,

1. Reading your witnesses brought me a lot of joy. In spite of those who say that it is perfectly fine to renounce virginity before marriage, that “today everyone does this”, your husband and you are proof that this is not true. My experience as a confessor also attests to this.

2. Regarding the sense of joy you felt on your wedding day, I have a few thoughts I’d like to share.

Not only you were able to say: “Marco, from today I am all yours, and you are completely mine”. With your conduct, you have also been able to tell him: “I preserved myself for you only. I saved my heart and my deepest affection for you only, so that it is yours, and yours alone. The virginity of my body attests it”.

3. Furthermore, you were able to tell him: “I kept my body pure so that Jesus Christ would live in it permanently as in a temple, incessantly purifying and sanctifying it. I kept it like this so that, even in marriage, Jesus Christ continues to be my first Spouse; you are a very dear and sweet sign and a permanent reminder of Him”.

4. Your spouse too, thank God, can say the same thing for you.

I believe you have no words to give thanks to the Lord for such a great gift, especially in today’s time. Gift, yes, such a great gift! Nothing you need to brag about. You can say, like the evangelical servant: “We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.” (Lk 17:10).

5. I now come to the problem of marital intimacy.

I read in a classic manual of moral theology: “The problem of women’s satisfaction is real.

If the relationship is carried out according to the law of God, the woman has the right to her own satisfaction, which is an integral part of the conjugal act. Therefore, during the conjugal act it is permissible to seek this complete satisfaction both with one’s own tact and with that of the husband”.

As you can see, we are here in a completely different context from selfish and solipsistic satisfaction; we are within a gesture of total and mutual self-giving, open to life, and we want to savor the gratification that God wanted to attach to it as a sign of His complacency.

6. I will gladly pray for the Lord to make your love blossom.

May your family fully enjoy God’s blessing and may what the Holy Spirit says in a Psalm be fulfilled for you too: “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table” (Ps 128: 3).

I wish you well and bless you.

Father Angelo