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Question

Hello Father Angelo,

My name is D. and I am 27. 

I have been dating my boyfriend for over seven years now. We will get married in four months: although I am happy about it, there is something about this marriage that just does not feel right.

All these years my boyfriend and I shared the same opinions regarding religion and faith. We were both atheists and we were fine with it, until about three months ago I had an unexpected and astounding experience that led me to conversion.

He seems to accept my conversion, although he does not want to come to the Mass with me, because he finds it boring. After all, he does not forbid me to do what makes me happy. But the conversion has changed me a lot, and some of his behaviors that I was not noticing before, now annoy me deeply.

I am aware that we are all slaves to materialistic things, but I now feel I despite them so much! I especially despite excesses of any kind, frivolities, selfishness, eager for money…I hate everything that leads to evil!

I transformed into a humble and simple girl, getting rid of all the vanities and frivolities, I now feel so happy! I work as an esthetician, but if I could find another job I would gladly quit the current one, because I find it too superficial and meaningless. 

Before encountering Jesus, I used to search for true happiness, but never found it. Even though nothing was missing in my life, I had a nice job, an upcoming marriage, yet I could not stop feeling empty. Only the Eternal Father healed my inner void!

Suddenly, I am strongly attracted to Jesus, I would say I am in love with Him! A month ago, when I realized that maybe God is calling me to consecrated life, I fell into despair, because I also desire to get married and have a family…if my destiny is to become a nun, why did God’s call not occur earlier? Why now, when my wedding has already been organized?

I do not trust my priest, therefore I tried to make the discernment alone, by praying as much as I could. After a few days of intensive prayer I was so convinced that the Lord has led me on this path, that I have to go along with it, anything else would be my will, not His.

I want to get married, but I am afraid that in future I will regret not having answered his call. On the other hand, leaving everything in order to follow Christ also scares me. In short, I know that the Lord wants something from me, but I have not yet understood what.

I would very much like to know your opinion. Thank you in advance.

Answer from the priest

Dear D.,

1. I am happy that the Lord has revolutionized your life by granting you the grace to start a married life according to his plan of sanctification.

When you discovered the Lord, you immediately felt that He is like that precious pearl for which it is worth to leave everything else you possessed before.

2. However, a Christian life and a consecrated one are two different things. Deciding for a consecrated life is a matter that requires a serious, intense discernment, which cannot be processed in just a few months.

3. The fact that you are one step away from your wedding, after seven years of engagement, makes me think that the Lord’s will is that you get married.

4. My advice is that you live your relationship more intensely with the Lord, who is, and must remain, the Bridegroom of your soul.

The bridegroom whom you will shortly take to the altar will be a true bridegroom, but at the same time he will be the image and permanent reminder of Jesus, who is the Spouse of whom all the others are a sign.

5. At the same time, insistently ask the Lord for the grace of the conversion of your future husband, so that the two of you may live a journey of sanctification. In this way, everything in your life together will lead you to know, love, and possess Jesus with growing intensity. Jesus is “the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end” (Rev. 22:13) also of our sentimental life.

6. A sudden conversion was the greatest grace you have ever received.

You discovered the center and the goal of your life, the only one that illuminates it in all of its depths and in all of its immense value. He gives life its consistency, for earthly and eternal existence.

7. Everything else, if it does not lead to Him, is “all was vanity and a chase after wind” (Eccl. 2,11) as Sacred Scripture says.

This is the reason why you feel a certain discomfort in your current profession, which is not to be despised if it serves to recall another aesthetic, the one that makes our actions and our life beautiful, and preserves them for eternal life.

I will soon descend into the church and celebrate the Mass. I will thank God for what he has given you, and at the same time I will ask for all the very best for you and for your future husband.

I bless you.

Father Angelo