Questo articolo è disponibile anche in: Italian English French German

Good morning,

I take this opportunity to express my (many) doubts about the christian/catholic religion. Let me first of all say that, indeed, I am a wee bit mad at God… winter 2012: I lost my dad – fall 2012: I lost my mum – winter 2013 (the day before a really splendid Christmas Eve…): I lost my sister: I am the sole survivor of my family. Could it possibly be enough? Of course not, this year 2015, I lost my job.  Where do I even begin?…

Hence: WHY BELIEVE?

For a wretched man (a sinner, by all means, I admit it) who in the grips of despair decides that there is no other way than to convert to God, it was the beginning of an endless calvary. You yourselves say that God always presents himself surrounded by the desert (=silence, if you pray it’s like you are talking to a wall) and suffering (still more? Well of course, yes). 

Pray? Yes, but…

a) keep in mind that God grants our petitions if what we ask for is according to his will (so with this pretext you can ask for anything you want, even to die as a martyr in his name; if you do not get it there is always this very convenient explanation; just think, how long have all the christian people – Pope included – prayed for a world peace that never comes: “because the Lord has decided that evil must be a necessary presence in our life as believers”;  I agree totally, but then why pray at all?);

b) keep in mind that God grants our petitions in his own time (a psalm says that a day for God is like a thousand years and a thousand years is as one day, so good luck with that…);

c) it’s easy to talk about conversion… What about metanoia? Metanoia FIRST, then conversion. All right, let’s then try to change our way of looking at things. As a matter of fact I counted on this as being a gift from our Lord, but I must have been wrong. At any rate, still nothing, always and only silence on His part, and the usual life going on with zero value added.  I pray, I rattle off rosaries and chaplets, I go to Mass and while the others go out looking like puttos and cherubs, I feel nothing, I am the same as I go out just as I went in; I go to confession, and while the others feel so light that they start floating  around in the air, I continue to feel nothing, as if I did not go to confession.  The same pain inside, the same emptiness, all the same.  So let’s go back to the priest:…. but why? ….

d) FAITH, you need that too!!! Sorry, then someone who is an atheist will then never be able to become a believer (unless he receives the same grace as St. Paul), because it would all be about praying with faith to obtain faith… like a cat biting his own tail.  Something rubs here!!!
And besides, excuse me, humility, metanoia, faith… Can only one who is perfect pray to the Lord? What did Jesus come here to do? Why did he die and rise? I’d prefer an answer like: “Look, I am a man like you, and some mysteries are just as inaccessible to me as they are to you, I DON’T KNOW”,  rather than clutch at straws trying to give explanations that clash regularly against what we live, see and can touch with our hands. Jesus said “Pray and it will be given to you”, but you too must agree that it’s not that easy…  When I depart to reach my family (truthfully? I hope soon; life as I am living it now is just awful), I will let God accuse and vent his wrath on me. But when He’s all done I’ll start though.

Thanks for your attention.

Dear friend,

1. We are on two different planes.

I am under the impression (I hope I am wrong) that your way to see God is similar to that of pagans: do ut des. It seems to me that faith for you is something that allows you to receive. So by praying you seek to appease God, just like the pagans did with their deities.

2. To me, in my personal life, my relationship with Christ is different. It is about receiving Him, his divine life, his light which enlightens my life, changes my relationship with the others, and makes me grow in Him day after day.

It’s also about receiving his strength, communicated to me through the merits of Christ that are being continually made available to me to become the price that I attach to my prayers.

3. I too am one of those whom you describe as “puttos and cherubs” as they come out of the Mass. But when you go to Mass you must be in a state of grace, or you will feel nothing.
The dead don’t feel anything. Similarly, those who are without the grace of God can’t feel anything unless God touches their heart.

4. Now, here is one thing I agree with you on: “FAITH, you need that too!!! Sorry, then someone who is an atheist will then never be able to become a believer (unless he receives the same grace as St. Paul), because it would all be about praying with faith to obtain faith… like a cat biting his own tail. Something rubs here!!!”

Jesus Christ said the same thing before you did, albeit using different words: “light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil” (Jn 3,19).

Yes, there is a vicious circle here: in order to have faith you need to have the right disposition.  It is necessary to be pure of heart. So if someone is not pure of heart, no matter how many words he reads, he will never be in the right disposition to receive God.

5. I see that there is a longing for God in you, even though God seems to disappoint you.
I have two words of advice for you.

First, pick up the Gospels.  Do not read too fast. The first thing to do is this: convince yourself that as you open the book you are realizing an encounter.  The Lord talks to you through the words you are reading. And he challenges you.

Right then and there, start talking to him, staying on the topic of conversation that he started.  This way, without even knowing it, you will be in tune with God.
Second, avoid grave sin (if there is any in your life).  This is an obstacle. It prevents you from feeling God heart to heart.

If you do these two things you will notice that things will change. Better yet, you will realize that you are the first to change.

When you are in such a disposition those other words of the Lord can be realized in you: “whoever lives the truth comes to the light” (Jn 3,21).

6. In the header of your letter you write “veni, sed non vidi” (I came, but did not see).
Are you sure you went to the Lord?

You don’t just go to the lord with your thoughts, but with your life, most of all with a pure heart. With a pure heart you will see God, you will feel him and you will possess him.Thank-you for writing to me, I assure you of my prayer and I bless you.

Father Angelo