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Dear Father Angelo,

I am writing to you because I am in a deep crisis.

I have been married for almost 15 years…we have 2 children aged 13 and 7.

I grew closer to the Church again about 2 years ago and only now I have realized that I continued to commit a serious sin without ever knowing it and without ever giving importance to this thing, that is, that my husband and I resort to using condoms.

I do not work, plus the second child has been very demanding to manage since he was little and the idea of ​​having other children really instilled a lot of fear in us.

Now I am 40 years old, I do not work and I take care of our children alone (we do not have grandparents or relatives near us).

But now I have suddenly realized that using contraceptives is a sin and I don’t know how to handle this with my husband. We have also just overcome a period of great crisis and have found our serenity again… I don’t know how to address this issue with him… I know he wouldn’t agree… even though he is a believer and a practicing Christian. But I know that on this matter we would not be of the same opinion. I feel guilty and this thing is making me suffer. I will definitely start confessing this serious sin of mine… which I am seriously sorry for. I would really like my husband to understand. I don’t want to offend the Lord anymore.

I ask you: can I confess this sin even if I know that I will probably find myself committing it again… at least until I have found my husband’s understanding? I don’t want to disturb that newfound serenity… I pray to the Lord to enlighten me and him and show us the way.

Father Angelo help us with prayer.

Since I have returned to faith I feel so changed… I suffered a lot but it was worth it.

Thank you for your attention

With sincere affection.

Project’s answer

Dear friend,

1. I am happy that you have finally opened the door of your heart to Christ who has been knocking for so long.

As you will have noticed, faith gives a complete look at our existence. Everything is seen with the eye of God and in the perspective of eternity.

2. Coming to your problem, the solution would be found in making use of the rhythms of fertility and infertility that God himself has inscribed in the woman’s cycle.

If well known and well used, they give a higher safety rate than many contraceptives.

3. The use of the rhythms of fertility and infertility is not an expedient similar to that of contraception because it commits a person to wait, to respect her own body and that of her spouse without manipulating it according to needs, to become the mistress of her own impulses and instincts.

In more beautiful words, it commits a person to live her marriage chastely, ensuring that conjugal intimacy is a true act of love, of total self-giving, of communion with God and of walking on the path of sanctification.

4. If this is not possible for various reasons, first of all it is necessary to recognize that contraception is an alteration of God’s plan for human love and sexuality.

This is important because it helps a person to live in humility, to call everything by its name, to recognize what is good and what is evil according to God, without altering the doctrine, the truth of things.

5. This involves the need to confess it, especially before taking Holy Communion.

In fact, God does not enter a soul contaminated by sin (see Wisdom 1:4). It would not be true communion, but a counterfeit of communion, a fiction.

It is true that in your case there is a prediction that marital intimacy will once again be used in a way that is not in accordance with God’s sanctifying plan. But in the meantime, we regret it and hope that with God’s help it can be remedied.

In this sense, the saintly Pope Paul VI in the encyclical Humanae vitae said: “If, however, sin still exercises its hold over them, they are not to lose heart. Rather must they, humble and persevering, have recourse to the mercy of God, abundantly bestowed in the Sacrament of Penance.” (HV 25).

6. By saying humble and persevering he makes it clear that he understands well the situation of spouses who foresee not being able to resolve their problem in the short term.

In the meantime, however, by confessing it, they immediately try to redeem themselves, to return to grace, to make all their actions meritorious and to bear fruit for the present and eternal life.

Jesus said: “Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.” (Jn 15:4-5).

7. It is essential for a Christian to remain in Christ and for Christ to remain in him.

It is essential what in biblical and theological terms is called “remaining in God’s grace”.

As light penetrating the air makes it luminous and beneficial because through it all things are preserved, mature and bear fruit, so God when he penetrates the soul through sanctifying grace makes it participate in his supernatural light that not only illuminates the path to eternal life, but transforms all our actions into a holy priesthood (1 Pt 2:5), into a spiritual sacrifice pleasing to God, into an act of praise to God, Creator and Father, and of true communion with God and with all. T-N

In this sense Jesus said: “Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.” (Jn 15:5).

With the wish that you may bear much fruit with your life lived in communion with God, I bless you and remember you in prayer with all your family.

Father Angelo