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Question

Dear Father Angelo,

It has been several months since I wrote to you to tell you my story and I was happy to read your answer, “My boyfriend does not want to have sex before marriage, I ask him why and he replies that we risk losing sight of what is important”.

Since then, many things have changed.

First of all, I got closer to Jesus again and it was a bit like coming home, I can’t find better words for it. And you’re right: it’s a gift my fiancé gave me and everything just got easier.

We keep having endless conversations and have learned to understand each other. We have decided together to continue with chastity, which has now become a way of life, if you can call it that. This is our chance to build a solid foundation and learn how to communicate effectively; we came to the conclusion that if we had taken a different path, we would not have had the opportunity to seriously discuss some issues. We plan to get married and pray that everything works out for the best.

Thank you for your time and words and may God bless you.


Answer of the priest

Dear friend,

1. I am delighted with the happy repercussion my email has had in your life.

I was sure that with such a boy you would either leave the table or come closer to the Lord, convinced as I am of Jesus’ words, “whoever lives the truth comes to the light” (Jn 3:21).

2. You write to me, “First of all, I got closer to Jesus again and it was a bit like coming home, I can’t find better words for it. And you’re right: it’s a gift my fiancé gave me and everything just got easier”.

Sacred history is a great lesson for us.

The people of Israel, turning away from God and despising the invitations and warnings that the prophets addressed to them, suddenly found themselves deported to Babylon and placed at the service of that people.

Thus, those who turn away from God fall into the seduction of finding freedom.

But in fact, sooner or later they realize that they are like deported to a foreign land, continually subjugated by the passions they were unable to put at their own service.

3. How true are Jesus’ words, “Amen, amen, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin” (Jn 8:34).

St. Thomas comments, “The slavery of sin is the worst (…) Thus Augustine says (In Io. Ev., 41:4): «(…) A slave of man, when worn out by the harsh commands of his master, can find relief in flight; but a slave of sin drags his sin with him, wherever he flees: for the sin he did is within him. The pleasure passes, the sin (the act of sin) passes; what gave pleasure has gone, what wounds has remained»” (Commentary on St. John, 1204).

St. Thomas also points out, “Our Lord starts with a solemn affirmation that he repeats, saying, Amen, amen, I say to you. Amen is a Hebrew word which means «truly», or «May it be this way». According to Augustine, neither the Greeks nor the Latins translated it so that it might be honored and veiled as something sacred. (…) Our Lord makes use of it here as a kind of oath, and he repeats it to reinforce his statement” (St. Thomas, ib., 1203).

Now you too witness it: you feel as if you have come home.

4. “We keep having endless conversations and have learned to understand each other. We have decided together to continue with chastity, which has now become a way of life, if you can call it that”.

Yes, chastity is “a way of life”, a virtuous way of life that allows you to become masters of your own impulses and passions.

When you are married, you will be glad that you have educated yourself to become masters of your impulses because even as a married couple, living and working alongside people who are not your husband or wife, you are subject and sometimes pressured to constant temptations.

And if you are not used to becoming your own master, you are overwhelmed, with the risk of wrecking everything you have built.

5. “(Chastity) is our chance to build a solid foundation and learn how to communicate effectively”.

How beautiful this expression is, “it is our chance to build a solid foundation and learn how to communicate effectively”.

St. Thomas says that the meaning of family is “all the good living in domestic sharing”. Sharing is communication of what is in one’s heart and it is the same thing as becoming one heart, one spirit.

6. “We came to the conclusion that if we had taken a different path, we would not have had the opportunity to seriously discuss some issues”.

A different path, namely in permanent impurity, would have prevented you from encountering God because God is encountered only in purity.

Speaking of Wisdom, which is identified with God, the sacred Author says: “For [wisdom] I purified my hands; in cleanness I attained to her” (Sir 51:20).

And also: “Nor dwells [wisdom] in a body under debt of sin” (Wis 1:4).

Between divine wisdom (the presence of God) and sin there is an absolute incompatibility.

On the other hand, this is why the Lord began his preaching by saying “Repent…” (“From that time on, Jesus began to preach and say, «Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand»”, Mt 4:17).

7. Perhaps you stopped only reluctantly and to please your boyfriend. But this stopping has been providential because you have begun a process of conversion that is bringing you closer to God and allowing you to tackle deeper issues together with your boyfriend.

John Paul II on June 12, 1999, during one of his apostolic trips to Poland, drew the attention of the large number of young people to the theme of purity and said:

“Here in Sandomierz Christ says to us: «Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God» (Mt 5:8). These words bring us to the heart of the Gospel truth about man. Those who seek Jesus will find him, as did Mary and Joseph. (…).

At the same time, [Sacred Scripture] teaches us how we should draw near to God, what conditions we need to fulfil in order to encounter this God, to know him and to be united with him.

One of these conditions is purity of heart. What does this mean? At this point we touch upon the very essence of man who, by virtue of the grace of the redemption accomplished by Christ, has regained the inner harmony lost in Paradise because of sin. Having a pure heart means being a new person, restored to life in communion with God and with all creation by the redemptive love of Christ. (…).

Purity of heart prepares us for the vision of God face to face in the realm of eternal happiness. This is so because already during their earthly life the pure of heart are capable of glimpsing in all creation what comes from God. They are capable in a sense of recognizing the divine value, the divine dimension, the divine beauty of all creation. (…).

Purity of heart is thus given to man as a task. He must constantly struggle to oppose the forces of evil, those which press upon him from without and those at work within him, and which would distract him from God. And thus there takes place in man’s heart a constant battle for truth and happiness (…).

Dear Brothers and Sisters, today this message about purity of heart is very timely. The culture of death wants to destroy purity of heart. One of its strategies is deliberately to create doubt about the value of the human attitude which we call the virtue of chastity. This is something particularly dangerous when the attack is aimed at the sensitive consciences of children and young people. A culture which in this way impairs or even destroys a correct relationship between individuals, is a culture of death, for man cannot live without true love”.

8. I am happy with the work the Lord has done in you through your boyfriend: it has taken you away from the culture of death and restored you to true love.

I assure my prayers for you and your boyfriend: may the Lord make you grow steadily on this path, which is a path of light, interior freedom and true self-gift.

I bless you.

Father Angelo


Translated by Chiara P.