Once married, was it really necessary for Holy Mary to remain a virgin?

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Question

Dear Father Angelo,

I ask you: once married, was it really necessary for Holy Mary to remain a virgin?

If sexuality is a fundamental part of marriage, so much that a refusal could be a reason for annulment, I asked myself this question…

If Our Lady had not remained a virgin in marriage, despite not committing sin, would she have failed in Her Holiness?

Thank you,

Luca

Priest’s response

Dear Luca,

1. to give an adequate answer to your question it is necessary to know why Our Lady chose virginity for herself.

The reasons given are essentially two.

2. The first: since Mary was filled with a holiness and a capacity to love superior to that of all the inhabitants of paradise put together (including virgins), she felt the desire to love God more than herself.

She possessed Him within her heart through sanctifying grace and wanted to love Him directly without going through the very noble mediation of marriage.

If Saint Paul recommended virginity “to be united to the Lord without distraction” (1 Cor 7.35) and had chosen this state of life for himself, how can we not think that Our Lady did not also do so for even stronger reasons than those of Saint Paul?

Even more so since the Madonna must have been touched by the desire expressed by God to enter into a kind of marriage with humanity and with each of us: “I will make you my bride forever, I will make you my bride in justice and in law, in benevolence and in love, I will betroth you to me in faithfulness and you will know the Lord” (Hos 2,21-22).

2. The second motivation arises from the humility of the Madonna.

Mary, by virtue of the sublime gifts of the Holy Spirit that filled her soul, had a very penetrating knowledge of the Scriptures.

She understood well who would be the Messiah awaited by everyone: “For a child is born to us, a son has been given to us.

On his shoulders is the sign of sovereignty and he is called: Admirable Counselor, Mighty God, Father forever, Prince of Peace; his dominion will be great and peace will have no end on the throne of David and on the kingdom, which he comes to consolidate and strengthen with law and justice, now and forever; the zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this” (Is 9,5-6).

She understood well that the One who had been predicted by the Prophets was God: “Mighty God, Father forever”.

Despite having a very high concept of motherhood, because she knew that it was wanted by God and that it was aimed at increasing the holy people of the Lord, she nevertheless felt unworthy of a motherhood like that of the Messiah and put herself aside. She chose virginity out of humility.

She herself will refer to this humility in the Canticle of the Magnificat when she says “Because he looked at the humility of her servant” (Lk 1,48).

3. Someone adds a third reason: to hasten the coming of the Messiah, Our Lady, who prayed for this intention like all the righteous people of the Old Testament, felt the need to strengthen her prayer by combining it with the sacrifice of renouncing motherhood, which she held in the highest regard.

With all her strength she desired and invoked the coming of the Redeemer, precisely because of the ardent love she had for God and for humanity. She felt the need to invoke him not only with the sighs of the soul and prayers, but by giving the Lord something very great.

4. When the Angel brings her the announcement that she will become a Mother, Our Lady will refer to her virginal purpose, which in the meantime had also been fully shared by Joseph: “How is it possible? I know no man” (Luke 1:14).

In a Commentary on the Sacred Scripture we read: “Reassured about her virginity, Mary with the greatest humility and the deepest obedience leaves herself to the will of God saying “Here I am, I am the servant of the Lord, let what you have said be done to me. ” (Luke 1:38).

5. Mary’s virginity was a choice full of love. It seemed to her that it corresponded perfectly to God’s plans.

The angel, who spoke to her on behalf of God, reassured her of this. Indeed, he made her understand that this virginal choice was necessary for God to assume a human nature.

6. Given all these premises, what sense would there have been in breaking during the marriage the resolution which she had made with great love and which was also shared by her Groom?

Mary could not fail to fulfill the purpose expressed before God. It was a question of love and faithfulness.

And it was also a question of fidelity towards Saint Joseph, who loved virginity in the same wavelength as he loved her, his most chaste Bride.

7. There is also another thing to add: Mary realized that her childbirth was also virginal, without any shedding of blood and without any pain.

If there had been bloodshed she would have remained contaminated, according to the Mosaic law. Now how could it happen that he who came into the world to purify and sanctify as his first act, made his most holy Mother impure and contaminated, even if only from a ritual point of view?

Our Lady witnessed this miraculous birth, of which some traces can be seen in some versions of John 1:13.

8. The evangelist Saint Luke is eloquent on the absence of pain when he says that the Madonna did everything alone, she gave birth to the child, wrapped him in swaddling clothes and placed him in a manger (cf. Luke 2:7) .

At the moment of giving birth, Mary seems to be in her full strength, contrary to the exhaustion that all women in this world feel after such an event.

And so: if God had kept her virgin even during childbirth to demonstrate that he had come to purify and sanctify, what point would there have been in losing her virginity if not profaning such a portentous and meaningful miracle?

9. Finally, coming to your last question, I would like to remind you that sexuality, which in marriage is also expressed in a very high way in sexual intercourse, however does not end there, nor does it require it if the two spouses mutually renounce it.

Otherwise we should say that the marriage between the Madonna and Saint Joseph which had as its foundation the common desire to remain virgins was not a true marriage.

Marriage is also ordered to the mutual help and improvement of the spouses which can be achieved by mutual agreement even with the intention of virginity or abstention from marital relations.

Therefore the marriage of the Madonna with Saint Joseph was a true marriage, which led the two spouses to a very chaste mutual dedication and to a completely pure, holy and always sanctifying mutual love.

I am happy to answer you in this Christmas season which allows us to better enjoy the virginity of Mary and the Holy Family of Nazareth.

I remember you to the Lord and bless you.

Father Angelo