Dear Father Angelo,
Thank you for your reply and the words you said to me.
It really seems to me that the Lord has bestowed on me a great Grace in His Infinite Love by putting in me the desire to love Him alone, with an undivided heart, and to have Him alone as my Spouse, now and in eternity.
Jesus is the best Spouse one can have, and giving my Heart to Him alone is for me the fulfilment of a Dream of Love that makes my life and my youth very beautiful..In fact I said to myself, how beautiful at 22 years old, to give my heart to Jesus alone, love only Him now and forever, and the fact is that life is wonderful despite the miseries and sufferings of this life, because even suffering, pain, abandonment by creatures, and the various labors and sufferings of this life, are lived with Jesus, in Jesus, for Jesus in unity with His Holy Passion; and the offerings become sweet, knowing that they are not in vain, but help some living soul somewhere to convert and be saved, or they give relief to some soul in purgatory and console the heart of Jesus.
In fact, that Act of Veronica on Calvary I try to make my own, I too want with the Grace of God to gently caress and dry the Face of Jesus.
I really want to gently caress the Face of Jesus, his Hair, embrace him and give him eternal love… I would like and want to console him for all the offences He receives.
Sometimes when I think that even today He, My Love so infinitely Good and Beautiful still today suffers a lot for the sins and offenses of mankind, I would like to be always present close to Him and for every sin by which He is offended,to give Him a kiss, a caress, to tell Him I love Him.
Even this desire of mine to love Him alone is meant to give Him uniqueness, to tell Him how immensely He counts for me; to give Him a unique love seems to me a beautiful thing, and thank you Father Angelo for having accompanied me towards this Dream of Love.
Even if I have not yet taken a perpetual vow of chastity, I feel that in my heart and in my soul that it is as if it had been taken, because this is my happiness, my joy, my smile… Jesus alone and Love only for Him, having Him as my Only Spouse now and forever.
Father Angelo I feel that you understand me, that you know about the Love that I express in my emails, and how beautiful that you are consecrated, really. how many times have I said to myself that it is a great Grace to be a Priest, to be all His, what a beauty that priests and friars have, what a Grace… Jesus must be loved to the fullest, with all of ourselves, truly He deserves an Infinite Love, He deserves infinite Caresses and Sweetness, Praise, Love and Adoration… but my words can never say enough of His Infinite Greatnesses, Beauties, how Infinitely He deserves to be Loved and how He is Infinite happiness.
May St. Thomas Aquinas always protect us and pray for us.
Happy and Holy Feast of St. Thomas to you too.
A warm regard
1. I answer you very late. Your email has been buried among many others and finally today I have reached yours from 28.1.2019.
Rereading what you wrote to me, the words that Francesco Possenti (the future St. Gabriel of Our Lady of Sorrows) heard, the ones that were spoken to him in an interior locution as he looked at the statue of Mary assumed into heaven that was passing in front of him, came to mind: “Francesco, what are you doing in the world? You are not made for the world. Follow your vocation.”
He did not wait any longer and, accompanied by his older brother, Father Luigi Possenti, a Dominican, he entered the Order of the Passionists.
Perhaps you too are not made for the world and are called to follow your vocation.
2. I would like to emphasize from your email the contemplative aspect of your life, that is, the constant presence of Christ.
This presence acts in you as a permanent Transfiguration.
You too say, together with St. Peter: “Lord, it is good that we are here” (Mt 17:4).
And you can add: “With you all life is transfigured.”
3. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, contemplation is a gaze of faith fixed on Jesus, an attentiveness to the Word of God, a silent love. It achieves real union with the prayer of Christ to the extent that it makes us share in his mystery (CCC 2724).
I think I can say that you are already living as a contemplative, or, in any case, there is a yearning to live like this.
Jesus said that this is “the better part” (Lk 10:42).
4. If I can give you some advice: always remain in this disposition of mind and heart.
It is a great grace that you have received.
If you are called to take a step forward, this step is only to contemplate aloud, to communicate to others what you are living and enjoying in your communion with Christ.
This is what St. Thomas summarizes in a well-known expression: “contemplari et contemplata aliis tradere” (Summa Theologiae, II-II, 188, 6). Which, translated into English, can be expressed like this: “Contemplate and give to others the fruits of one’s contemplation”.
You well know that these words summarize the charism of a well-known religious Order, which I know is especially dear to you!
5. The language of your e-mail is that of one who is addressing his Spouse.
It is the language used by God himself when he said through the prophet Hosea: “On that day, says the LORD, She shall call me My husband” (Hos 2:15).
With these words, God anticipated the deepest and ultimate meaning of marriage when he was about to make it a sacrament, that is, a sacred sign and reminder of another marriage, of another spousal relationship: the one with God, with Jesus Christ, the end and ultimate goal of all things, even of marriage.
6. Speaking of this Spouse, the book of Wisdom says that “association with her involves no bitterness and living with her no grief, but rather joy and gladness” (Wis 8:16).
Chapter 8 of Book II of the Imitation of Christ tells us something about this association.
“When Jesus does not speak in our intimacy, any consolation is worth very little.
Instead, if Jesus says even just one word, we feel great consolation.”
How true it is that if Jesus does not speak in our intimacy any consolation is worth very little. David in the Psalm says: “If you stay silent I shall be like those who sink into oblivion” (Ps 28:1), that is, I am dead inside.
A single word from him fills our day, our life.
7. You too experience what the Author of Imitation continues to write about: “Did not Mary Magdalene immediately leap from the place where she sat crying, when Martha said to her: ‘The teacher is here and is asking for you’? (Jn 11:28).
Happy moment, the one in which Jesus invites us from tears to spiritual joy.”
And again: “How dry and harsh you are, when you are far from Jesus; how foolish and empty you are if you go after something else, something other than Jesus.
Is this not greater harm for you than losing the entire world?
What can the world ever give you if you do not have Jesus?
Being without Jesus is a hard hell; being with Jesus is a sweet heaven.
There will be no enemy who can harm you, if you have Jesus close at hand. (…).
He who lives without Jesus is deprived of everything; he who lives firmly with him is rich in everything.”
8. Above all, you too can say: “If you do not have, above all others, Jesus as a friend, you will be extremely sad and sorry. (…).
Friends and enemies alike will be dear to you because of him and in him; and you will pray to him for the ones and for the others, so that all may know and love him.”
With this thought I wish you well, I remember you in prayer and I bless you.