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Question

Dear Father Angelo,

I read with particular attention the previous questions about the effusions between  engaged couples and I learned that certain kissing during the engagement are to be avoided because they involve the genitality and they don’t help the couple at all into living their relationship in the most complete purity.

I only want to clarify a doubt:   I read that when the kiss does not lead to a further occasion of pollution, the erotic envolvment is imperfect and, therefore, the sin is only venial.  But, which one is the dividing line? When the pollution took place, right?  What if the couple start to kiss very passionately and feel that the pollution is about to happen (danger), but then, they stop in time and it doesn’t happen?

Surely that would have been reckless and very superficial, but in this case, would the sin be grave?

Forgive me for this question.  It is very clear to me that each one of us should strive for sanctity and purity and abhor any form of sin.

Thank you

Father Angelo’s answer

My dear friend,

  1. I think that it is difficult to say which one is the dividing line.  Already the venereal commotion, although without pollution, can be a grave sin.

If it is finalized to itself, the other person is already treated as an object of concupiscence.  This applies not only to those who are engaged, but also for the effusions between those who are not engaged and the unmarried one.

  1. Conversely, the pollution could be so sudden that one is surprised by this completely involuntary phenomena.

This can happen during other circumstances of life, also: nursing care, shows….

Of course, if one gives his consent to this phenomenon, there could be grave fault.

  1. I would like to thank you for recalling in your last expression the prospect based on which is understood why there is sin.

It is worthwhile to remember that in the Old Testament the sin is indicated with a word that literally means:  missing the target.

Therefore, in our case, sins are all those actions that do not hit the target, do not promote the person’s sanctity, while unfortunately cage it into concupiscence.

I will remind the Lord of you and I bless you,

Father Angelo