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Question

Good evening, Father Angelo,

I would like to explain my situation and ask you a question (I apologize in advance if this is going to sound too wordy).

I’m from Brazil.

When I was younger, unfortunately, I made use of pornography, everyday, many times a day, until I was 15. After that, I converted to catholicism thanks to the evangelization of my professor of Philosophy, who, by the way, is now my Confirmation sponsor. But for many years (I’m now 21), I have been very negligent in fighting that sin, I wanted to fight it, but at the same time I didn’t. I wasn’t committed enough. Finally, last year, I gave in and succumbed to hardcore pornography, which I will not mention what kind here. This brought much suffering, wreaked havoc in my soul, but the Holy Spirit (certainly it was His work, transformed the evil in good) showed me my many tendences and vices I had in my life, to which I have never paid attention to before: envy of the Saints, especially of the Virgin Mary – even though I consecrated myself to Her – ( I used to think that if I had been born without original sin like Her, I would have never done the things that I have done!), desperation, satanic thoughts (sometimes I thought to myself: “ I will never overcome this sin, I should just give up and serve satan”, I was never complacent with this attitude, but it was a recurrent one) a terrible hatred towards myself ( possibly due to my pride, but whenever I wasn’t up to my expectations, I detested myself). Anyways, I was suffering a lot. One day, when I was very afflicted, I kneeled down and said to the Virgin Mary, while I was crying: “Mother, how come I have these feelings towards you? How can I even think to do such things? I want to love you, not hate you! I want to rejoice with you that you were preserved from sin, not envy you instead! Help me! Let me love you! I can’t stand this situation anymore!). She answered my prayers, I think. She revealed to me many new things and made me yearn for them: I sometimes recited, not everyday, the third part of the Rosary, which in portugese – I’m Brazilian – we call “terço” (the third part). She gave me the desire to pray more, the whole Rosary, and mindfully, which is reading and meditating the mysteries of salvation in the Sacred Scriptures. Furthermore she showed me that I had to go to Mass everyday, early enough to give me time to prepare myself by talking to Jesus in the tabernacle, and remain longer to thank God [appropriately]. She showed me that I fell repeatedly for the sin of lust because of my gluttony. She showed me that since my childhood, I have always eaten a lot and that I had to start fasting. She also granted me the desire to become chaste, to refrain from committing any mortal or venial sin, to obtain indulgences for the Holy souls of Purgatory, to take cold showers and many other things. Now, I, who sinned up to three times a day, who waited three months in between confessions, I only fall into sin about once a week and I go to confession right away. I really want to overcome this; I have never felt this way. I think I’m doing this right… but then, the priest of the parish I go to everyday, said this to me during confession: “John, not even the Pope goes to confession this often, you need to take it easy, maybe you feel such a need to be forgiven from your sins that you commit the sin just to go to confession”.

Daily Communion is not mandatory. Just because you have sinned, it doesn’t mean that you are not in communion with the Church, anymore. It’s not enough if I tell you that that is a sin, you need to find the cause. Sure, you can’t receive the Sacrament [of the Eucharist], but you do not lose your state of grace. God is not so strict. You are too scrupulous, etc..”

My goodness, this made me very confused, I didn’t say anything to him, but I got very upset. If I commit a mortal sin, do I need to confess as soon as possible, YES or NO? If I want to grow in my relationship with Jesus, become holy, should I receive Communion every day, YES or NO? And do everything in my power to abstain from sin, YES or NO?

The cause is evident to me: I have been doing this since my childhood, I have been doing it everyday for years, I tainted my imagination and my memory (which is very good: just as I can faithfully recall good readings, words and events, I can remember many details of deplorable images as well).  I have never taken the necessary means to fight this, and now, my body is rebelling against this new law. Am I wrong? There are many priests who say “ You are doing this because you have a lot of emotions inside of you. Do you have problems with your family? Do you feel oppressed by something? Are you worried about your future? How is school?” and so on… I know these things can affect this issue but… goodness gracious! Was the Virgin Mary showing me my faults, or was my scrupulosity? 

Two days after my confession, I was very sad, because two friends of mine, one on Thursday  – the same day I went to the Sacrament of Reconciliation – and one on the Friday following that confession, invited me to eat Japanese food. I accepted, but both times I ended up overeating. Come Friday night, I couldn’t sleep. I was too regretful of that decision, especially since I was committed to fighting the sin of gluttony and, due to some things that I watched on the internet that bothered me, I couldn’t resist the temptation of having impure thoughts, so I succumbed. I watched two times those things I was not supposed to watch, and what’s worse, the second time, it was that hardcore stuff, and so I committed that sin that I haven’t been committing in a long time… Now, I don’t know if I need to confess this right away, since it’s only been two days. When this happens, namely, when we fall into sin right after we go to Confession, what do we ought to do? I admit that when I fall into sin, I become afflicted and I think: “ Now, I can’t gain those indulgences to those souls anymore, they suffer so much! My prayers lose their value, but those women, who will pray for them now, those girls… !? The Virgin Mary wants us to offer up our prayers for many intentions, but yet, without grace I can’t help them”.  After I go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, all this disappears, it’s wonderful. But now, I don’t know if I have to wait. I read that some saints went to confession even more than once a week. One priest told me that St. Alphonsus Liguori went to confession every day, but he also said that he was mentally ill and extremely scrupulous. I apologize for this long email, but I needed to let you know what is happening to me. I was on the right path, but now, after what I’ve heard, I don’t know which one is the right path anymore. How do you discern what is the fruit of scrupulosity and what is the fruit of sincere will?

Maybe, I presented my questions in a chaotic way and won’t be posted on your website, but I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what to think about this whole situation.

May God bless you and may the Virgin Mary protect you!

Sincerely

Answer

Dearest John, 

1.First of all, I apologize for the late response. I have only now made it to your email, which initially discouraged me for its length.

 Let’s focus on the most significant part of your email “She answered my prayers, I think. She revealed to me many new things and made me yearn for them: I sometimes recited, not everyday, the third part of the Rosary, which in portugese – I’m Brazilian – we call “terço” (the third part). She gave me the desire to pray more, the whole Rosary, and mindfully, that is reading and meditating the mysteries of salvation in Sacred Scriptures; she showed me that I had to go to Mass everyday, early enough to give me time to prepare my heart by talking to Jesus in the tabernacle, and remain longer to thank God [appropriately]. She showed me that I fell repeatedly for the sin of lust because of my gluttony. She showed me that since my childhood I have always eaten a lot and that I had to start fasting. She also granted me the desire to become chaste, to refrain from committing any mortal or venial sin, to obtain indulgences for the Holy souls of Purgatory, to take cold showers and many other things.”

This that you have described to me is a unique grace. I’m convinced that it was indeed the Virgin Mary because it deals with knowledge and infused intuitions, all very accurate. After this experience, nobody will persuade you that what is wrong is a normal thing. Therefore, I encourage you to keep this attitude towards the supernatural sense of things, your whole life.

2. That being said, I also encourage you to go to Confession every week with the same priest. The confession would be necessarily brief. If you fall into sin during the week, go during the week, too. You shall not receive the Holy Eucharist if you are in a state of mortal sin, unless you confess those sins first.

If the Pope goes to confession less frequently, that is none of your business. You know you need a weekly confession. Keep things at this pace even when you are consistently living in a state of grace. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is always a great resource for the soul, even when it is in a state of grace already. I personally go to Confession every week and I exhort the faithful to do the same.

3. To the questions: “If I have committed a mortal sin, do I need to confess as soon as possible, YES or NO? If I want to grow in my relationship with Jesus, become holy, should I receive Communion every day, YES or NO? And do everything in my power to abstain from sinning, YES or NO?” the answer is yes, in each case. I think, on this issue, nobody will make you change your mind, and rightly so, because it was a special and unique grace you have received from the Virgin Mary in that singular moment of enlightenment. 

4. I particularly insist on receiving daily Communion. It is essential if  you want to become holy, as Heaven requires you to be. The Lord taught us to ask for “our supersubtantial bread”, later translated with daily. The supersubstantial bread is Him: “I am the living bread which has come down from Heaven” (Jn 6,51) “anyone who eats this bread will live forever.” (Jn 6, 51).

As you can see, daily Communion is very powerful in preventing sin. I believe you came to the same conclusion in your own personal experience. Carlo Acutis, who will be beatified soon (October 2020) at a very young age made the resolution of receiving daily Eucharist.

5. About Confession: it might be helpful to determine the reason why we are more inclined to certain types of vices. But most of the time, it is not necessary. It’s good enough to admit that it’s part of human nature and that we behave in certain ways because of our personal faults and falls. The most important thing is to acknowledge and call things by their true name, without blaming others or our family tree. It is essential to know that, however powerful the internal passion or pressure is, there is no sin unless we give our consent, we agree to it.

6. The connection you made between gluttony and other vices is correct. You realized it because of that insight the Virgin Mary gave you. You recognized this now because of your life experience.

7. About the last question: “When this happens, namely, when we fall into sin right after we go to Confession, what do we ought to do? I admit that when I fall into sin, I become afflicted and I think: “ Now, I can’t apply those indulgences anymore to those souls, they suffer so much! My prayers lose their value, but those women, who will pray for them now, those girls… !? The Virgin Mary wants us to offer up our prayers for many intentions, but yet, without grace I can’t help them”

Well, should that happen, that you lost the state of grace and it hasn’t been long since your last confession, if you have the opportunity, go to confession right away. If this is not possible, what you need to do is an act of perfect contrition. With this act of perfect contrition (which necessarily includes the intention of going to confession as soon as possible) you regain your state of grace, even though you still can’t have access to the Sacrament of Holy Communion. By regaining the grace, all the good deeds you do will be used by the Holy Spirit and you could help the Holy Souls of Purgatory and all people, especially those in serious danger and those you hold dear to your heart.

Of course reciting this act of perfect contrition won’t make you feel the same as when you come out from the confessional.  You can tell something essential is still missing, namely the Sacrament of Confession itself.

Therefore, while you wait for the chance to go to Confession, do not neglect your daily devotionals and recite an act of contrition right away.

8. That St. Alphonsus went to confession every day is a fact. He was not mentally ill nor extremely scrupulous. St. Thomas and St. Catherine of Siena went to confession every day too, and they were absolutely sane. Many saints adopted this practice. 

9. In the event that the confessor tells you not to go to confession more than once a week, obey him. This will motivate you to persevere in keeping your grace and make the best out of your act of perfect contrition.

10. Finally, I urge you to resume your journey, wishing you not just to “be on the right path” but to fly high, embracing the path to holiness promptly and quickly.

I wish you all the best, and may the Virgin Mary guide you in your journey.

I bless you and entrust you to the Lord.

Father Angelo