My family members did not attend church. They sent me to catechism for Holy [First] Communion but forbade me to go to the Holy Mass until adolescence.
As a child I experienced two opposite conditions: evil against purity (body, thoughts, heart) and the attraction towards the Lord, who did everything to save me. I felt my life running away and that something else existed, but I fell into superstition and magic.
Later I met a priest and a prayer group and it was like a new birth for me, but I was engaged to my future husband, who already cheated on me and did not even love me. He did not want to break up with me, nor did I have the strength to leave him because he somehow reminded me of my father who had left home with another woman. A new abandonment was unbearfor me.
After a few years of marriage and children, he started a relationship with another woman. From then on, we have lived as separated but still living together.
Meanwhile, my spiritual father died and for one year I fell ruinously worse than before. The problem was that I did not make a good general Confession, having left out a mortal sin out of shame. Consequently, I made sacrilegious Communions and sacrilegious Confessions for 15 years. I felt the torment that my prayers were vain and I wanted to escape from the Holy Mass to self-condemn myself.
Two years ago, a holy senior priest became my new spiritual father. I made again the general Confession, but this time in a proper way. Having forgotten a past sin, he did not want me to confess it because, he told me, it was similar to those already confessed. He said that I should no longer think about it because it was a temptation (I continued to feel the weight of my past, the unworthiness, and I wanted to escape from Holy Communion).
Tormented, I went to another priest but was later assailed by the doubt that that I had committed a sin of disobedience. Moreover, since this sin was serious but less serious than the others, I did not show the same level of malice. In the meantime, my spiritual father helped me by making me feel loved by God. He died a year ago and I confessed this last thing to a priest.
But in the last two years, since I resumed a good spiritual life, I started having physical disturbances against purity. My spiritual father told me that the enemy wanted to remind me of what I was before because now I was converted. When I pray it is a torment, I yawn all the time and I feel the oppression of not being in grace because I have not confessed well. Therefore, there is no joy in me and I have to make an effort to stay in prayer. At the same time, I feel a profound joy of being loved by God and I am in peace. It is like I am split in two parts.
Sorry for the long letter, I hope for further help from the Lord through your words. I wonder if I need to repeat the general confession to be in peace, if there is real a need for it or if I should get help from an exorcist or with prayers of liberation. Thanks for the help you give us. I always read everything written by you because I see that there is truth combined with charity.
I hope to get your answer as soon as possible
1. I regret I read only today your letter, for which you were hoping for a prompt reply.
Meanwhile, I am glad that you have not separated from your husband.
Your children need your common presence.
In the past it was said that the best college did not make up for a mediocre family.
There are ups and downs in all families.
And – although separated at home – you both dedicate yourselves to the care of your children.
As adults and even when old, your children will be grateful to you.
2. I am also happy to see that the Lord has never abandoned you and that, as the various spiritual directors ascended to heaven, he immediately presented you another one, always wise.
3. Regarding the general Confession, follow the confessor’s indication.
Obey him and do not go back because this is God’s will.
Our Lord often told Saint Faustina Kowalska to always obey the confessor because He spoke through him.
4. Instead, because of those unjustified and strange yawns during prayer, a prayer of liberation or even an exorcism would not be bad.
Especially since as a girl you had opened the door to our common adversary through magic.
According to exorcists, the infestation of the common opponent would also manifest itself through these signs.
I wish you a happy and Holy Easter, which continues throughout this week in albis.
I wish you it full of graces and peace.
I entrust you to God and I bless you.