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Question

Dear Father,

I came across your site by chance, yet discovering it made me happy since your answers are truly illuminating.

With the same feeling of trust and confidence in your wisdom that many had before me when approaching you, I will too ask you a question.

I am a 45-year-old man, never married. About fourteen years ago,with the help of two spiritual guides, whom the Lord’s mercy placed beside me, I embarked on a journey of spiritual growth where I prayed intensively, read the scriptures daily, attended mass and received Christ in the Eucharist regularly.I did not become a saint, and I unfortunately frequently falls into sin. However, I experienced the gift of living according to grace, whereby I have no nostalgia for the person I was, nor I regret my previous, Godless life.

I now started desiring and hoping that I will encounter somebody to share the rest of my life with; nevertheless, together with this hope, doubts and fear also assaulted my mind:: coherent with the faith I embraced, I desire to meet a woman who can share my moral values and my believes regarding conjugal doctrine, especially premarital intercourse, so that we can obtain the Lord’s blessing on our union and future procreative sexuality.

I feel a great despair at the idea that I might have to ask my future wife, who may not have a strong faith, to observe chastity before marriage. I especially fear her reaction. I am afraid she might doubt my virility, or my sexual tendencies, or at best judge me as an outdated bigot.

Now, according to you, what should I do? Should I be explicit about my beliefs on the first dates? Above all, I would be grateful if you could also suggest what might be the most suitable ways and words to express my devotion without being misunderstood.

Forgive me for the time I ask you for such a futile request.

Cordially yours

M.

The answer of the Priest

Dear M,

1. The problem that is concerning you will solve itself when you will find the right person in the right place.

I think of Our Lady.

At that time, to stay unmarried was practically impossible for a girl. She expressed the resolution or vow of virginity, inspired by Heaven, in her love for the Lord and to hasten the coming of the Messiah.

How could she keep faith in her vow, if she could not stay without a husband?

Christian authors say that Our Lady prayed intensely so that the Lord would let Her find a young man who shared Her same feelings.

Her prayers were surely heard since, not a long time after, she found a young man (St. Joseph) who shared the same vow. He was a young man whom the Lord was preparing to act as the future Messiah’s father.

2. When she met Joseph, she had to tell him what her intentions were. The Holy Spirit, who dwelt in her from the first instant of her existence, put the right words into her mouth. Perhaps, she herself marveled at how things turned out to be so easy and smooth.

3. I ask you to do the same.

Try to behave the way God wants you to behave: holy, humble, eager to form a Christian family, all according to God’s wishes.

To strengthen your prayer, also make some sacrifices, some fasting.

Entrust your cause to Mary, to the one who had to solve a problem immensely greater than yours, who solved it so happily and so quickly.

You will see that everything will happen according to your expectations.

4. Jesus said: ”But beware of people, for they will hand you over to courts and scourge you in their synagogues, and you will be led before governors and kings for my sake as a witness before them and the pagans. When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say. You will be given at that moment what you are to say. For it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you” (Mt 10:17-20). You will also be given the best way to express yourself, or you will encounter a girl who anticipates you in your own desires.

I assure you of my prayers not only for the general good in your life, but also for the happy solution to the case so close to your heart.

I bless you.
Father Angelo