Question 

Dear Father Angelo,

I am  a 27-year old guy and I am  writing to you because I have  been engaged with a girl for a month. I have  been converted to Catholicism  for five years after a deep life crisis.
Now, I attend  church regularly.  I go to Mass every day, I pray the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day. And everything I do I do for Jesus.       

It has been ages since I have  prayed to meet a girl. I was feeling the need to share my life with a woman God had thought for me. At a certain point, it became such a sort of obsession that I decided to give up to God’s will. If He had wanted to make me meet her, He would have done it according to His own time. 

The day after this prayer, I met my current girlfriend.  She  is not  attending  the church, at present , but she had  been active there for several years. Then, she stopped doing it for several reasons: her faith decreased, she embraced other philosophies, she believes God did not  help her with some disappointments she had to face. Now, she is feeling deeply discouraged  so much so that she confessed to me that she is  feeling an unbridgeable sense of emptiness within herself  and that she does not know whether she will feel happy again or not.     

I frequently try to convince her to go back to church. But she does not  want to because she has already lived this experience in the past and it did not  help her, so now she is  looking for something different.

Honestly, I suffer for her and for this situation. I feel like I have fallen really in love with her but I do not  know how to help her. And I do not even know how our relationship would lead us to our marriage if we do not  agree on such an important matter. 

Moreover, she is a virgin just  like I am. I confessed her I would  like not to have sex before our marriage. She answered she has fallen in love with me and that my decision hurts her because having sex would seal our relationship, but she will respect my decision for my sake. Due to these premises, I do not  know how this relationship could carry on.  How  should I behave in your opinion? I explained this situation to several priests and they all told me to keep on dating her because God has made me meet her for a reason. But I honestly feel powerless. 

I’m sorry for my question’s length but I needed it to make an introduction. 

Thank you and pray for us.    

The Priest’s answer  

Dear friend,

1.   I apologize for having only been able to  read your letter today. According to what you wrote in your email,   it is true that God has made you meet this girl after your prayers.
In the meantime, a mutual affection has grown between you two. But now after about a year, it is understandable if you ask yourself whether it is right to continue in this way or not. And that is  understandable especially if you think that is difficult – or even impossible – to open a window to build something that may lead you to start a saint marriage life and a Christian family.

2.    If during your relationship’s first months you had asked me whether or not to continue your relationship with your girlfriend   I would have answered exactly like all other priests you questioned did. 

3.     But if she will keep on with her refusal, I think you should make a decision.
It is not  enough saying: “I prayed a lot, God made me meet her and now I do not  have to go back anymore”.   

4.    Let me  give you an example. St. Francis wanted to go and convert the Sultan. For two times, he did not  manage to arrive where he wanted to. Finally, he managed to do it on the third attempt.
It means St. Francis had been praying in order to have God allow him to reach the aim he believed it was according to God’s will.   

5.   When St. Francis went to the Sultan, he tried to convert him but this man did not  join Christianism even if he seemed friendly.
Francis started to leave. The Sultan begged him to remain there because he appreciated his presence.
But St. Francis “went back to Christian countries because he realized the Sultan was not  improving in those people’s conversion and that he was not  able to achieve his aim, after being pre-warned by a divine revelation” (Franciscan Sources 1175).

6.    I do no believe St. Francis thought “I deluded myself into thinking that it was God’s will when I used to pray and above all when I finally managed to go to the Sultan”.
S. Francis realized it was God’s will when he arrived where he had hoped to arrive and above all that the Sultan converted after all those prayers.
He must have equally understood that it was God’s will when – because of the Sultan’s refusal – he had to go back to Christian countries to be an example for people who would have hoped to accomplish the same enterprise.   

7.     Maybe something similar is happening to you, too.
God’s will made you pray.
And we can also state that God’s will made you meet this girl.
I do not  believe you are  wrong in thinking that it was God’s will to get this girl upset and go back to a lively faith thanks to the good witness you gave her.
But now maybe (maybe) it equally is God’s will to make you do like St. Francis did in the end.
It is not necessary to receive a divine warning before. You can understand a lot of things afterwards.

I will gladly pray for you. 

I wish you all the best and I bless you. 

Padre Angelo 

Translated by Giulia Leo

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