After my mother’s passing, I suddenly felt the need to draw closer to God and His precepts

Father Bellon, good evening.

I am a seventy-year-old woman, a retired teacher. For many years, I distanced myself from the Church and the sacraments, almost out of carelessness and the many daily obligations, despite never having stopped feeling guilty in my heart. Well, after my mother’s passing a few weeks ago, I suddenly felt the need to draw closer to God and His precepts, so much so that at her funeral I took communion even though I hadn’t been to confession for years, but I felt the strong need and did so. Every evening I feel like reciting the Holy Rosary, something I had never done before.

However, I know I have a fragile and uncertain faith. I am tormented by doubts, and when I pray, I do so only because I hope to strengthen it and believe unshakably, like so many people I know. I’d love to dispel my doubts and feel the presence of a loving God who comforts me, but that’s not the case. Sometimes I think I’m just deluding myself, just trying to find comfort from life’s thousand problems by pretending to myself that something really exists.

Help me, Father, tell me if I’m beyond help.

Thank you.

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Priest’s answer

Beloved,

1. First of all, I offer you my deepest condolences on your mother’s passing.

I believe that the unexpected and sudden need to draw closer to God is a gift your mother received from you as soon as she arrived from there.

Your mother knows that your greatest need is to be united with God.

2. Saint Therese of the Child Jesus said on her deathbed: “You will see at the moment of my death what a shower of roses I will rain down on the earth.”

Roses symbolize graces. And that is why in her images she is always depicted with a bunch of roses in her hands, as if in the attitude of one who can bestow graces.

Also on that deathbed, Saint Therese of the Child Jesus had said: “I will spend my Heaven doing good on earth.”

Well, all our loved ones who die in the Lord, when they go from there, continue to love us. Indeed, they love us the greatest good, which is God.

3. I’m glad that after your mother’s death you began praying the Holy Rosary every day. It’s a moment of great communion with her.

I’m sure you deeply feel how true it is that faith in Christ does not interrupt the communion of love with those who have left their bodies on earth.

Praying the Holy Rosary is one of the most beautiful gifts you can give her because you continually bestow upon her the merits of Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary.

And your mother rewards you with a sense of relief, peace, and comfort.

I’m convinced that you can no longer live without deeply experiencing this communion of life.

4. Previously, as you wrote, you weren’t faithful in your religious practice, and for this very reason you felt an inward lack of it.

I believe this is also the reason for your certain regret at having received Communion on the day of her funeral.

I understand well what prompted you to approach the Holy Table that day. It was the desire for an even deeper communion with your mother.

And so it is because, as Saint Teresa of Avila reminds us, when the Lord comes to us with Holy Communion, he never comes alone, but is always accompanied by his royal retinue that comes to pray for us and comes to pray in us.

Your mother is already part of that royal retinue. Even if she were in purgatory, she is a holy soul and therefore part of that retinue, even if for now she cannot yet enjoy the sight of Jesus.

5. Therefore, I urge you to do what is still missing for full communion with your mother: make sure you go to sacramental confession.

This way, you will be able to peacefully experience that extraordinary moment of grace every time you go to Mass.

6. Your beloved mother, who obtained for you the grace of daily prayer, is urging you to receive this additional grace as soon as possible.

Do this and you will be happy.

You too will be able to say with the prophet Isaiah: “Et dedit mihi Dominus fluvium pacis” (Isaiah 66:12): “For thus says the LORD: Lo, I will spread prosperity over her like a river, and the wealth of the nations like an overflowing torrent“.

7. You will see that with sacramental confession, many doubts will be dispelled, and you will tangibly feel the personal presence of God within you, accompanying you at every moment, together with your beloved mother.

While I assure you of a prayer of suffrage for her, I accompany you with my prayers and bless you.

Father Angelo

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