Hello Father good evening …
I don’t want to steal too much time from you, I’ll try to be brief.
Something happened to me that devastated my life and my heart.
I have been engaged to a girl for 6 years and we should get married in a few months.
6 months ago she betrayed me, she told me everything under my insistence.
She says she doesn’t know why she did it, but I am not satisfied with this answer … in my mind there is always and only one question: why did she do it …
We loved each other so much, our eyes sparkled when we looked at each other, but now all this magic seems to be gone, gone.
I am slowly trying to forgive her even if there are days when I seem to collapse and give up everything …
She is unable to forgive herself and consequently is unable to give total love, she often withdraws into herself and struggles to talk about it.
My greatest fear is that of arriving at marriage without full joy … and I would not like this at all …
I pray to Jesus and Our Lady to help us remove the bad thoughts that block our happiness …
1. Your girlfriend’s betrayal is a very serious matter.
If this happens before the wedding, in the time of strong falling in love, what will happen later when the honeymoon is over?
How can you build a home (marriage) on a shaky, failing foundation (premarital infidelity)?
2. When a spouse feels betrayed within a marriage, the house collapses on him. And not infrequently he no longer has the strength to resume dialogue.
What about when this happens before the wedding when we are already talking about the wedding and the date is fixed?
3. I don’t know if a few months will be enough to re-establish the perfect harmony and make you rediscover the joy of flying to the wedding.
However, one thing must be clear: that you cannot reach marriage with little conviction and only for fear of frustrating what you have so far invested with psychic, spiritual and material energies.4. I would tell you to resume with her only in the case of authentic conversion.
But I don’t know if this can mature within a few months. It might just be a flash in the pan.
5. However, I would like to add other considerations.
Maybe it’s not just your girlfriend’s fault.
Because when in the engagement you have de facto sexual relations, you get used to each other to give yourself to someone who does not belong to us.
It is here that the foundations of so many marital and premarital infidelities arise which then cause everything to be ruined.
6. Moreover, those relationships, although they are defined as love, are not actually of authentic love because we do not get involved in total self-giving and mutual immolation, as happens in marriage with the birth of children.
Precisely because one does not give oneself totally, that act ceases to be of authentic love and becomes a spasmodic search for satisfaction, disguised by the excuse that an act of generosity would be performed by giving satisfaction to the other.
In reality, it helps the other to withdraw even more in the selfish pursuit of pleasure and to pretend to give oneself.
If this happened to your girlfriend, a portion of her immaturity would be owed to you too.
In any case, this would not be a good excuse to get married in a fairly short time.
There is everything to be rebuilt and a few months – in which, moreover, one is occupied with a thousand thoughts for the preparation of the wedding – are not enough.
7. If, on the other hand, the betrayal had occurred despite your common and concrete commitment to arrive at marriage chaste, the thing would become even more complicated.
A fiancée must be happy to be a virgin at marriage and to be able to say to her future husband: this virginity is the sign of my maturity. It is the tangible sign of the promise of my fidelity and it is the sign of the great love I had for you because I have not profaned my body with anyone, I have kept it in reserve and chaste only to be yours and to be sealed only by you.
8. At this moment try to resume your lives as a couple with great spiritual intensity accompanied by the absolute resolution to be chaste.
Only chastity gives you the clarity to judge serenely on the authenticity and maturation of your relationship.
Only in chastity do you discover the ways to love yourselves in an authentic and faithful way forever.
Pray a lot, be assiduous frequenters of the Sacraments which are extraordinary resources of purification and sanctification.
I assure you of my prayers and I bless you.