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Dear Father Angelo,
during my first year of university, experiencing a particular moment of difficulty in studying and finding myself about to take an exam that I had not prepared very well, during prayer I asked Our Lady for help in facing it positively with the promise (I don’t know if technically it can be defined as a vote or a resolution) that, if I had passed it, I would have put more effort into studying for subsequent exams.
In the end the exam went well, but if I look at these years at university, also thanks to the fact that I have considered the idea of changing faculty several times, I have not always committed myself or done as much as I could in my studies.
For this reason I feel I have betrayed, at least in part, that promise made to the Blessed Virgin.
I wanted to ask you a few things about this:
Is this a violation of a vow? If so, is there the possibility of being forgiven in confession or is it too serious a sin? To attempt to fulfill this purpose, is it sufficient for me to seriously commit to taking the remaining exams or is the vow in itself transgressed?
I thank you in advance for the help you wish to give me and, assuring you of my prayers, I greet you cordially.
Priest’s answer
Dear Friend
1. There is nothing serious about what happened.
It is enough for you to confess your negligence.
The promise or vow you made remains, even if you have broken it.
Therefore all you have to do is fulfill it.
2. However, when making promises or vows it is necessary not to be generic.
The commitment to study more certainly means something.
But it almost always happens that we can say: “I could have done better”.
The same thing happens when one says to himself: “I want to pray more”.
3. It is therefore necessary to be more detailed and say more precisely: I undertake to study a certain number of hours a day, excluding Sundays and holidays.
The same goes for prayer too. It’s not enough to say I want to pray more. It is necessary to immediately move from words to deeds and determine with some concrete practice.
For example: I commit to saying the Holy Rosary every day for the whole year or for a month or a week.
4. When you then make a vow or promise, you must make it not simply to honor yourself or to oblige yourself, but for a better purpose than that of giving praise to God.
In this way the action acquires a higher and more meritorious value both for the present life and for eternal life.
This is because it is done not simply for a human motivation, already good in itself, but for God, for the exaltation of his glory, to open the door to manifest his mercy with many graces.
5. By doing it for this superior reason one feels more committed. Indeed, the effort associated with fulfilling the duty undertaken is willingly tolerated because it is done out of love for Our Lord or the Blessed Virgin or some Saint.
6. If it is not made with this superior objective, it remains a good commitment, like that of Vittorio Alfieri when, in order to commit himself to studying, he tied himself to the tree and said: “I wanted, I always wanted, I wanted very strongly”.
But it does not acquire that extra that is linked to the vow and promise made to God, which constitutes all its power and beauty.
7. Finally, it should be remembered that when it comes to vows or promises of a certain consistency it is always advisable if not downright necessary to go through the confessor so as not to bite off more than you can chew and then find yourself in a bad situation because you realize that you cannot succeed. to keep your promise or vow.
The vote as such must be deliberate. We decide better when we weigh all the circumstances also with the superior light that comes from the confessor.
8. Thus an act of humility, obedience and prudence is also added to the vow.
And at the same time you learn to approach the sacrament of confession on a regular and frequent basis.
Having a confessor who accompanies us and who becomes a father to our soul is a priceless grace.
While I wish you all the best for the happy conclusion of his studies, I bless you and remember you in prayer.
Father Angelo