Good morning, Father Angelo,

I would ask you for advice and for your meditation.

I am a practicing Christian but I cannot completely forgive people who hurt me by words (derision, devaluation of his gifts) and malicious, provocative, envious attitudes.

Some of these people are no longer part of my life, while I still see others.

In words and in prayers I forgave them, but as a matter of fact, I try in every way to avoid them and not hang out with them. And I use a great effort to avoid speaking harshly of them. Even if some are relatives of mine.

Sometimes I think it is also a question of pride but I feel discomfort, repulsion, and a little shame when I try to be with them. Indeed, we are all brothers and sisters but, because of our human fragility, one is already uneasy to live with people alike; and I would think it is almost impossible with those who are different in character and moral!

Also, if I were already fulfilled or married, I would feel less weight in this situation.

I continue to confess and pray, but my heart still appears hardened and bitter, and I repeat to myself that, whatever happens as God permits, and I shall think back to how Jesus was treated during His passion, but my flesh rebels and does not accept being a scapegoat in its own small way until the Lord wants.

What would you suggest for my situation?

Thank you.

The Priest’s answer

Dear,

1. perhaps everyone experiences what you experience in your life about forgiveness, that is, you forgive in words and in prayer but continuing to feel a certain aversion towards some people.

Truly, when alone or in prayer we seem to be generous in forgiving like the Lord has forgiven us.

But sometimes, we immediately feel an inner discomfort even just hearing the mention of a person who has made us suffer.

So we are, we must recognize that.

And, that is why we feel the need for an even deeper purification because to enter heaven we must fully agree with everyone.

If that does not happen, we must fear the exclusion from communion with God.

2. In order to learn to forgive, you exactly need to do what you wrote: “I repeat to myself that, whatever happens as God permits, and I shall think back to how Jesus was treated during His passion”.

Yes, God permits so that we can practice virtues and, above all, so that we can concretely show our love for the Lord by many actions.

On some occasions, the only way to voluntary forgive is precisely by thinking that the Lord is offering the opportunity to love Him and say from the deep of our heart: “Jesus, I forgive because so You want, because You like it, because that gives You praise. Jesus, I forgive because of You, because of Your love.” Only then we do feel consoled because we finally love the Lord with deeds and not just with sighs.

3. In such experience we are immediately strengthened by what happens just after: because after having expressed our love for the Lord, the Lord responds to us with His love.

God always does that: He returns His love to ours we are giving Him.

Jesus said: “who loves me … will be loved by my Father, and I will love him” (Jn 14:21).

And, we are immediately rewarded by the Lord with many graces since the love of the heavenly Father does not simply rejoice in the good that is encountered like our love, but His love gives and causes or creates good.

4. It is a great secret of happiness what Jesus announced when He said: “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.” (Mt 5:44-45).

As He immediately added: “For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have?” (Mt 5:46).

Yes, a great reward is already the faculty to resemble the feelings of Jesus in his passion. Just as you wrote.

5. Since human strength cannot do that, we must ask Jesus Christ for the grace to be able to love Him more and more.

Every day, our Holy Father Dominic used to ask the Lord for the grace to be able to love Him even more.

To achieve that, we should ask Him like Saint Catherine of Siena: “Lord, give me Your heart; Lord, give me Your heart”.

Like our venerable Girolamo Savonarola, when he was told that the cloister was full of soldiers who had come to take him away to (unjustly) inflict capital punishment on him, we could also say: “Lord, I thank you, because at this moment you call me to be in your likeness”.

6. We should also ask Our Lady, the Queen of Martyrs, to help us suffer well. We must also ask Her to give us Her heart to love everyone, even those who hurt us and who make us suffer. Already, we are sure she will respond and help us with infinite sweetness to climb our Calvary with the feelings She had when She and Our Lord climbed it.

7. Therefore, I urge you to go forward with courage, repeating many deeds of love towards Jesus and Mary.

Jesus and Our Lady will return an even greater love.

I bless you.

Father Angelo

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