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Dear Father Angelo,

I’m 35 years old, I’ve been married for 2 years, I have two children, and I realized that I’m in love with a man who is not my husband.

I have a peaceful relationship with my husband, we have little chance to see each other, he is an extraordinary father to our children, and we both live supported by our faith in Christ. Some time ago, I met a childhood friend of my husband; he is my same age and has a simple life running his family business in the agriculture sector. I exchanged a couple of jokes with him, there was immediately a great feeling and good harmony. At a party, we spent some time talking and he turned out to be exactly my ideal of a man, from his views about politics and work to educational values.

He’s exactly the person I’ve always dreamed of, with a stable and strong personality and not a weak one like my husband, who unfortunately is very insecure, isn’t able to take decisions, delegates every task to me and only thinks about his poorly paid job, to which he dedicates all his time. We rent, my in-laws are not helping us, and I no longer have my parents. I’m sure my life with that other person would be better, we would have a house, a business outdoors, and a large family to support us. My daily life is getting heavy, I ask for help in prayer, but I can’t receive support. This thought of having married the wrong person is destroying me and I often cry.

My husband, when he sees me like this, laughs and makes fun of me. I can’t reveal to him why it is so; I don’t want to break the promise I made before God, but I’m collapsing inside. Please comfort me in some way.

Praised be Jesus Christ


Answer from the priest

Dear Daughter,

1. First of all, I have to remind you that through marriage you belong exclusively to your husband and your husband belongs exclusively to you.

Before God he will always be your husband and you will always be his wife.

Keep in mind the Lord’s teaching: “What God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mt 19:6).

2. Secondly, I wish to remind you that family ties must be protected, because it is always true that “your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for (someone) to devour” (1 Pt 5:8).

The devil often manifests himself in a seductive way. As Sacred Scripture reminds us, “even Satan masquerades as an angel of light” (2 Cor 11:14).

He introduced himself to Adam and Eve in a seductive way as well, assuring them that their eyes would be opened, and they would become like God.

Unfortunately, after their sin, Adam and Eve’s eyes were opened and they were ashamed of each other.

3. In practice: protecting our affections means boldly causing breaks to our hearts, even if certain exchanges of words can relieve us.

You will remember the Lord’s teaching well: “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna” (Mt 5:29).

As you can see, the Lord’s speech becomes ominous, because the stakes are very high. Eternal life may be at stake: “… than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna.”

4. Thirdly, it is worth remembering that the devil, while seducing us on the one hand, on the other magnifies in our view the flaws of our neighbor. In this case, he magnifies your husband’s flaws.

Other women would wish to have a man like yours as a husband, extraordinary in raising children and above all in perfect harmony of faith in Jesus Christ.

Do not let yourself be charmed by your enemy.

5. Fourthly, and just in reference to feeling destroyed inside, I must say that this relationship puts you in a condition of adultery.

Adultery destroys.

As of now, there is already infidelity to your husband within your heart.

It is not necessary for you to report everything to him, because you could deeply damage the serenity of your family and children.

It is enough, actually, it is necessary that you tell the priest through sacramental confession, that you will make sure to do as soon as possible.

This is the necessary first step you must take to heal your heart.

Do not forget that confession is the sacrament of Christian healing.

6. You complain that your husband does not make decisions and leaves all the chores to you.

Reading these words, the praise of the prudent and wise woman made by the Holy Scriptures came to mind: “When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.

Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.

She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life” (Pro 31:10-12).

Your husband trusts you. Is this not a token of respect, of esteem, of trust?

7. Therefore I urge you to be faithful to the covenant you sealed together with him on your wedding day, when you promised to love him and respect him for the rest of your life, both in good times and in bad ones.

The Lord will ask you to be accountable for the words spoken in that covenant. He will ask you if you have kept them, if you have protected them, if you have put them into practice.

Therefore, endeavor to give him “good, and not evil, all the days of her life.”

8. Finally, I remind you that you are called to holiness.

Deliberately breaking up a family to create another one, which is not at all pleasing to God, is not a journey towards holiness.

Do not look to your husband for what only the Lord can give you.

The Lord must be your comfort in prayer.

Yes, in prayer, because it is exactly by keeping watch and praying that one does not fall into temptation (cf. Mt 26:41).

I assure you of a very special remembrance in prayer and Holy Mass for you, for your husband, for your two very dear children, for your family.

I bless you all.

Father Angelo