Hi Father Angelo,
I’m writing to you again due to a doubt of conscience that I don’t know how to resolve. A friend asked me to be her confirmation godmother and I agreed on the condition that she undertake a serious journey, given that her motivation was linked to wanting to be her  niece’s baptism godmother and for me this was not a sufficient or suitable motivation to request this sacrament. She has been preparing for this occasion with a parish, but continues to live in situations of more or less public mortal sin (she has no intention of living in premarital chastity). Now, I find myself in strong conflict, because the Parish with which she has been preparing for this step, has admitted her to Confirmation, and on January 28th she will receive the sacrament, but to me it seems absolutely sacrilegious.
Therefore I find myself willing to withdraw from this engagement.
My spiritual father tells me however that she is very likely to receive the sacrament regardless, therefore at this point, it is better for me to be her godmother, so that I can accompany her seriously even after the sacrament, but I can’t avoid thinking that I am participating in something wrong and my conscience is telling me to refuse.
Obviously I tried to make my friend understand the importance of all this, but she still seems immature from the point of view of faith and does not fully understand the problem, even though in some ways a rapprochement with the Lord is taking place. What do you recommend I do?
Thank you, Valentina

Priest’s answ

Dear Valentina,
1. to receive the sacrament of confirmation it is necessary to be in God’s grace.
To recover the state of grace if one has lost it through mortal sin (and in the case you presented it is indeed mortal sin) sacramental confession is necessary.

2. This friend of yours should know that confession is necessary to receive confirmation because otherwise – although the sacrament remains valid because it confers the character which is an indelible seal – she would be committing a sacrilege.

3. You insist on this fact: that she promises to confess before receiving confirmation.

Indeed, if you can and it seems useful, you will accompany her yourself.

4. At this point the responsibility will fall entirely on the priest confessor.

He will be the one to tell her if she can receive confirmation and he will be the one to give her or deny her sacramental absolution.

5. If he gives her sacramental absolution, you will be her godmother. If she denies it, you will tell her that you cannot grant her request. However, one can trust in the priest’s ability to inspire in her at least an attempt to renew her life in Christ.

6. I advise you to pray a lot in this meantime so that the Holy Spirit may enlighten the confessor and also enlighten your friend.
God, who can raise children of Abraham even from stones (Mt 3,9), can also touch the heart of this friend of yours in that confession.

7. Therefore, have faith in the renewing action of God.

We will open the door for him above all with prayer and sacrifice.

I gladly add my prayer to yours, for you and for her and I bless you both.
Father Angelo

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