Dear Father Angelo,
I wrote in the past about other matters and your advice has been very useful to me.
For some time now, I’ve been haunted by a strong sense of personal dissatisfaction regarding my relationship with my partner who I’ve known for 3 years (I’ve been divorced for 10 years through no fault of my own, i.e. my wife left me for another man) .

My partner is also divorced. She left her husband (10 years ago) due to problems related to strong misunderstandings between them.

I feel as if I live in a permanent sinful state towards God.

Because I have full intercourse with my partner without us being married.

Sometimes I wonder how I should behave so as not to feel guilty.

Hoping for an answer.

Kind regards,
Francesco

Priest’s answer

Dear Francesco,
1.in order not to feel guilty, you should get out of the situation of sin in which you live.

It is not possible to feel at peace with God as long as one remains in a situation that differs from his will and from the agreements made on the wedding day.

2. It is true that some propose solutions that seem to allow you to have your cake and eat it, as they say.
But I believe that the discomfort at the bottom of the soul always remains.

The words of Christ: ’’But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother (and be joined to his wife), and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” In the house the disciples again questioned him about this.He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”” (Mc 10,6-11).

3.It is true that in some situations one is obliged to remain together even though they are not husband and wife, such as when the two people have been together for many years, they have helped each other and now that they have become old it would be inhumane to leave them.

But, despite this, the uncomfortable situation remains.

4. The same thing happens when children are born in the new union. They have the right to benefit from the simultaneous presence of their parents.

But even in this case it is equally impossible not to feel discomfort before God precisely because one is not husband and wife.

5. To avoid feeling uncomfortable, you should put your conscience to sleep.

But it is an almost impossible undertaking because the task of conscience is precisely to murmur against evil and incite goodness.

For those who manage to put it to sleep, the situation unfortunately becomes tragic because what the Holy Scripture says comes true for them: “For many, as I have often told you and now tell you even in tears, conduct themselves as enemies of the cross of Christ.(…).  their glory is in their “shame.” Their minds are occupied with earthly things” (Fil 3,18-19).
“Their end is destruction. Their God is their stomach” (Fil 3,19). 

6. In the discomfort you feel, I seem to hear the command that comes from Jesus Christ ringing in your ears:
«Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.» (Mt 4,17).
And also the command repeated by Saint Peter: “Repent, therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be wiped away” (Acts 3,19).

7.Therefore I urge you to always keep in mind the supreme objective of our existence: sanctification, which can only be achieved by walking in the ways of God.
The world does not understand this language, but you understand it. What the holy Pope Paul VI wrote in the encyclical Humanae vitae for another problem also applies to your case: “For the Lord has entrusted to them [Christian spouses] the task of making visible to men and women the holiness . (…).
We have no wish at all to pass over in silence the difficulties, at times very great, which beset the lives of Christian married couples. For them, as indeed for every one of us, “the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life.” (33) Nevertheless it is precisely the hope of that life which, like a brightly burning torch, lights up their journey, as, strong in spirit, they strive to live “sober, upright and godly lives in this world,” (34) knowing for sure that “the form of this world is passing away.” (HV 25).

 8.Even if your wife has abandoned you, you remain a Christian husband and the Lord entrusts you too in this difficult fate “of making visible to men and women the holiness”.

9.I recognize that one could suggest doing this and that to try to live in God’s grace even in an objectively irregular situation.But the first and highest rule is the one I presented to you.

Only in this way will you not feel the discomfort that arises from not following God’s ways and you will be able to go before the Lord with your papers in order.

I bless you, I wish you all the best and I gladly assure you of my prayers.
Father Angelo

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