Good morning Father Angelo,

First of all, I really wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your answers on various topics, which have been and continue to be invaluable to my conversion and my journey of Faith.

I’m Mattia, 21 years old, and I’m writing to ask you about the validity of a “vow.”

About a year ago, following the breakup of the relationship with my girlfriend, I experienced moments of temporary sadness, but this was a significant boost that led me to seek the Lord after years spent in sin, doubting the existence of the Lord and morally reprehensible behavior, which I still struggle with today.

In my drive toward the Lord, there was also a tormenting desire to get back with this girl. This led me to ask for her back and to the point of declaring that I would only desire that girl carnally for the next 50 years just to have her back. At that time, I didn’t understand the importance of purity and chastity, nor did I even have any idea what a vow was.

Now, this girl and I have drifted apart permanently, I believe also because she had very different ideas on this very important topic, which would have continued to keep us apart from the Lord.

However, what remains is that I made this “vow,” if it can be considered such. And I would like you to enlighten me.

I would like to be faithful to the Lord and not forget what I told Him, precisely when He opened my heart to His presence; also considering the fact that in the meantime, I have met another girl with whom I have become friends and with whom I have also opened up about the issues of chastity. She has expressed her desire to follow me on this path, which could potentially lead to Marriage in the future.

I thank you again infinitely, Father Angelo.

Priest’s Answer

Dear Mattia,

1. I am so happy about your conversion and your journey of faith.

It is the most beautiful treasure you possess right now, and it also makes precious the other treasure you have received in the meantime: that of forming a friendship with a girl who shares your invaluable value of purity.

Purity is the solid foundation that tells you that you can count on her.

2. The vow you made at the time was poorly executed and practically broken.

Poorly executed because you committed yourself for fifty years to desiring only her.

For fifty years! And after fifty years, even though you were married, could you have desired others?

This is prohibited by God’s law in any case.

3. That vow, assuming it was valid, is effectively dissolved.

It ceased due to the change in the promised matter: you have in fact distanced yourselves definitively because you have seen your incompatibility on certain values.

4. Commit to following the path of purity in thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Purity is the secret of a successful marriage because it rests on solid human virtues and also rests on a special blessing from God, for nothing is more pleasing to God than purity in thinking, loving, and acting according to His divine and holy desires.

5. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, regarding purity between engaged couples, summarizes its richness in very concise terms: “Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.” (CCC 2350).

I wish you all the best, I bless you, and I remember you in prayer.

Father Angelo

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