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I recently discovered the meritorious work that you do by answering and addressing the many doubts that worry those who turn to you. And I discovered it while searching online for something that could help me understand what I’m experiencing.
Let me explain better: I have tried to keep the Lord present in my life, sometimes with commitment… other times unenthusiastically; I said my prayers but, except for certain periods, I began to realize that it was something similar to a duty… I had to do it, I told myself, while something else inside me was telling me that it shouldn’t be a duty, but a desire… an attraction… a fruit of love.
Three months ago, after a horrible hospitalization that lasted month, my mother, with whom I lived, passed away. During his hospitalization, I intensified my prayer by adding to my morning and evening payers the Rosary, which I had never prayed until then. Well, Father, I imagine it is no mystery that my turning to the Lord was due to the request for help for my mother, in a moment of need in which I hoped that a Celestial intervention would resolve the situation and alleviate my guilty feelings due to my failure to realize that she was sick. But in my heart I promised myself that I would keep turning to Him regardless of the situation. And I persisted. I notice, however, that I often get distracted, that my mind goes elsewhere, that my mind, my heart, my soul and my lips are not aligned, and beyond that I am not even sure that I am addressing the Lord in the way he expects that I do. I don’t know if it is still necessary to say the prayers (Pater, Ave…) which, by now, as a result of saying them, have become so trite and stale in my mind that sometimes I don’t even realize I’m saying them… or if I can talk to the Lord by talking to him as I would when I meet a friend. Even during the Rosary… the rhythmic repetition of the Hail Mary gets me distracted… and I yawn (an interference from the evil?).
Father, I would like to be able to tell you that I do not lack good will… at least so I believe… but I would like to feel that God has given me the gift of grace and faith, or that in any case I keep trying to get these gifts and remain on the right path. Immediately after my mother’s death I went to Mass a few times on Sundays… but then I stopped and I haven’t gone to confession for many years. Father… help me… how can I pray?… what can I say…? How can I create a true moment of intimacy and isolation between me and the Lord?
How can I have that peace of and in my heart that would allow the Lord to work in me, as Jacques Philippe says? To trust and to rely totally on Him?

I tried to be brief and I realize that it would be necessary to write much more to make you understand the situation better, but I hope that, based on these words, you can help me and, if necessary, I will keep writing you.

In the meantime I thank you.
Rosario

Priest’s answer

Dear Rosario, 
First of all, even if late, I offer you my condolences for the death of your dearest mother. I will gladly remember her in prayer and together with her I will remember you too.

I’m happy that the Lord has put you on our path.

I’ll tell you a few things briefly.

1.The death of your mother, or rather, your mother’s illness, made you rediscover the need for prayer, which you had been missing for too long.
I think I can say that just as you didn’t notice your mother’s illness and went on as if nothing was happening, so you were behaving in your spiritual life without prayer. The Lord took advantage of your mother’s illness to rekindle your spiritual life.
The French writer Léon Bloy was right when he said that suffering has the task of awakening the presence of God in the soul.
Thanks God, in you this presence has indeed been reawakened.

2. Second, about prayer: it does not consist only in the duty to recite prayers, but in being with the Lord. It must be like a daily appointment that you cannot ignore.
If you experience the moment of prayer as a meeting, you will feel that the Lord is coming to fill your soul with his presence and his grace. A very beautiful method for spending time fruitfully with the Lord is to take the rosary in your hand and recite this prayer, which does not simply consist of repeating the Hail Marys. To find out what you need to do, click on the following words on the search engine of our site: Apart from the material recitation of the Rosary, what should one do while reciting the Our Father and the Hail Marys?
You just need to click on the first few words. The answer will come out right away. You will soon realize how essential it is to breathe together with the Lord, to be in his company, to enjoy his presence.

3. However, to savor this, it is necessary for God to be present in your heart through the grace.

Just as you cannot enjoy the taste of food just with your thoughts without introducing it  in your mouth, so to enjoy the presence of the Lord you need the Lord to be present.

And since God does not live in a soul polluted by sin, the first thing you must do is to go to confession.

Through confession, God will personally come to live in your heart. You will feel that there is perfect communion between you and him.

Therefore, I urge you to go to confession as soon as possible and then keep confession as a traveling companion for your life. If possible, go to confession at least every 15 days.

This routine will keep your spiritual life fresh.

4. At the same time, resume sanctifying the feasts on Sunday and on the other holidays by participating in Holy Mass and, if you are in a state of grace, also by taking Holy Communion.

St. Thomas says that just as man allocates a portion of his time to the various needs of his life, so “man must set aside some time for spiritual refreshment, by which a man’s mind is fulfilled in God.”  (Summa Theologiae, II-II, 122, 4, ad 1).
Participation in the Sunday Holy Mass is essential to preserve ourselves in grace and, above all, to preserve the presence of Him who lives inside us through grace.

I trust that you will do all this and that you will finally be able to have a great recovery and a fantastic flourishing in your spiritual life.
I bless you, I wish you all the best and I remember you in prayer.

Father Angelo