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Question

Good morning Father Angelo,

my name is Valeria and I am 46 years old. 

Nine months ago I lost my beloved mom Angela Maria. She passed away after struggling against an incurable cancer for one year. During this year I used to pray so much…I drew near to God like never before. I entrusted myself to God through prayer, but above all I had a strong hope and a strong faith. Each prayer of mine seemed to be unanswered, my mother’s health used to  grow ever worse day after day, and I used to entrust myself to the Lord more and more. In the meantime the Lord gave me a strength that I did not think I had… I took care of my mother doing my best to relieve her suffering. At the moment of her death I pleaded with the Lord to take her directly to heaven…by that time I knew I could not ask anything else for her.  I would like to ask you, Father Angelo, why I have been unable to accept God’s will up until now. Every day I ask myself why…why her? She was so good, loved by everyone, a life of sacrifices…why did not the Lord listen to my pleadings, my rosaries? Why am I still unable to find consolation, although I persevere in prayer? Forgive my complaining with you, Father Angelo. If you can, please give me some words of consolation. Thank you. I wish you a holy day.

Kind regards,

Valeria.

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The priest’s answer

Dear Valeria,

  1. First and foremost my  heart goes out to you for the death of your beloved mom. The passing of a loved one, especially of a mother, feels like being torn apart. But you have already noticed that there has never been in your 46 year long life a time that has made you feel closer to God than the time of suffering.  You were united to Him through  prayer, through hope, through sorrow. For the moment, it is comforting  to know that the Lord considers all the services that you have rendered to  your mother as if you had rendered them to Him. Who knows how He will reciprocate in present life and, above all, when you enter eternal life yourself!
  2. Reading your words, I have thought about those written by Saint Therese of the Child Jesus about her father’s illness: “the three years of my Father’s martyrdom seem to me the sweetest and most fruitful of our lives. I would not exchange them for the most sublime ecstasies, and my heart cries out in gratitude for such a priceless treasure” (Story of a soul, 206). Just a line before, she had said: “In Heaven, we shall enjoy dwelling on these dark days of exile” (Ibidem). 
  3. Saint Teresa of Ávila writes in her autobiography that when she was stroken by a rare disease doctors on earth could not find a fitting remedy for, she entrusted herself to those of heaven.  Nevertheless, she was convinced that if the Lord did not  grant her wish, He would do so to preserve her from a greater evil. She writes: “and I thought sometimes that if in being well I were to be condemned, I would be better off this way. But nonetheless I thought that I would be able to serve God much better if I were in good health. This is our mistake: not abandoning ourselves entirely to what Our Lord does, for He knows best  what is fitting for us” (The Autobiography of St. Teresa of Avila, transl. by K. Kavanaugh ocd and O. Rodriguez ocd,  One Spirit, New York, s.d.,  p. 79) . 
  4. Of course, I do not mean at all to suggest that your mother was running the risk of being condemned. But the Lord might have wanted to spare her greater sufferings. Therefore, out of mercy sometimes the Lord does not grant us what we ask, but he does not deprive us of the merit of prayer. He also grants us other graces. We will see in heaven what kind of mercy the Lord has for us. 
  5. In any case, if your mother could talk to you now, she would probably say to you, paraphrasing Jesus’s words during the last supper: “It is better for me to be here” (“But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I go. For if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you”: Cf. John 16,7). Even if you do not realize it, your mother looks after you and helps you more than you know. 
  6. Do not forget to offer for her prayers of intercession, because they are equally useful for your mother and for you. 

I will remember your mother and you in my prayers. I bless you and I wish you all the best.

Father Angelo