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Dear Father Angelo,

I have a strong temptation to use a sperm donor to conceive via IVF. I know it is not permissible, but I see so many single moms with children who are still happy despite their situation, and unmarried couples living together and having children who are also happy and are such good people (maybe even better than me).

I would like to find the courage to do that too.

Priest’s answer

Dear daughter,

1. you know very well that all that glitters is not gold.

2. It is a great misfortune for a woman to have a child without a husband.

The proper nest of motherhood is the family, within which a mother’s sensitivity and intuition are complemented by those of the father.

3. But the greatest misfortune would be for the child, who would thus be without a father, without paternal grandparents, without kinship on the father’s side, and also without paternal inheritance.

You cannot imagine the suffering of a boy who finds himself rootless.

A child needs to be with grandparents, with uncles, with cousins, with relatives to grow as a person.

Of course he could be deprived of this because of something unfortunate happening, and he would make a way to live this way.

But it is grossly unfair to actively deprive him of such great goods.

It is not permissible for a child to be forbidden to know his genetic father.

4. Furthermore, seeking a child with the gamete of an unknown donor is an act of grave irresponsibility: the woman is in fact cooperating with a man who, by giving away his means to procreate, is shaking off his obligations as a father in every sense of the word.

The law will prosecute any other parent who refuses to abide by his obligations.

That is why it rightly prohibits procreation outside of marriage.

5. Finally, all the biological consequences that are natural consequences of procreation via IVF should also be kept in mind. 

Nature always retaliates when it is not respected.

Sometimes certain consequences only manifest themselves after some time and several generations later.

6. I am not questioning the fact that those who seek children out of wedlock may be very good people, even better than you.

This is not about judging the goodness of a person, nor is it our place to make such judgments.

However, one must examine whether this course of action truly respects the mother who conceives by herself, the gamete donor, and especially the child who is brought into the world in this way.

7. Therefore, if you want to have a child, seek it through the most natural route, which is marriage.

This way, you will protect your child in all aspects and you will never regret it.

I wish you well, bless you and remember you in prayer.

Father Angelo