A young man, who lives unmarried with a woman, went to confess during the Easter Mass on my advice. The priest cut down in less than thirty seconds as he could not absolve him

Good morning, Father Angelo, I hope to find you in excellent health.

I would like to pose you a question that is very relevant to me.

A young man was encouraged to confess. As a boy, he was educated in catholicism; he regularly attended his church and the sacraments until he went off to university.

He started a relationship with a woman who does not attend the Mass, does not believe in the sacraments, and has very personal ideas in matters of faith. Despite not being married, the two live together as man and wife.

Following my advice, this young man approached a confessor who was available during an Easter Mass. I thought, even if cohabiting, he would have received advice, loving admonitions, at least the forgiveness of sins extraneous to his cohabiting. I hoped he would have been encouraged  to attend Sunday Holy Mass.

Instead, just thirty seconds and he came back to me because, as soon as the confessor learned about his cohabitation, he told him his confession would have been useless as he could not absolve him.

I felt really bad about what happened; if possible, my friend felt even worse.

Perhaps the confessor was right, even though I believe that he could have dedicated a few more minutes to show him God’s love.

My question is: can a person who is living an irregular life according to the Church go to confess and at least receive a partial forgiveness of some sins, such as not attending the weekly Mass? Can such a person at least receive advice on his behavior, and perhaps some comfort from the priest?

The relationship between this man and woman continued to the point that they now have a beautiful child, nevertheless, this dear young man attends no mass except during Easter and Christmas, nor approaches confession.

I am a bit confused and I really do not know what to say and unfortunately the topic was discussed no more; being so badly rejected set a very unpleasant precedent. 

I would like to know your opinion and entrust him to your prayers.

I wish you all the best.

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The Priest’s answer

Dear reader,

I apologize for the serious delay of this reply. Only get to your email only today.

1. I am sorry to read what happened during confession to this young man.

However, I understand the haste of the priest confessor: it was an Easter Mass, he probably had a queue of faithful waiting in front of him for their turn to be able to receive Communion right on that occasion.

If he had lingered with him, other people would have probably missed this precious opportunity.

If something similar happened to me, as a confessor I would have explained to the young man that living with a woman despite not being married constitutes a problem that prevents absolution. I would have told him that Easter time is not the best time to talk about the implication of my words because other penitents were waiting for the possibility to receive the Easter Communion, but that I would have been glad to receive him and talk to him with more calm another time. Finally, I would have concluded blessing him, and recommending him not to receive the Holy Communion.

2. You ask whether that priest could have at least given absolution for the other grave sins.

No priest can do so, because the absolution of sins in confession is not as in a civil court, where one can be acquitted segregating the various crimes.

Rather, it is a question of re-establishing communion with God through grace.

Now, communion with God is not re-established if one wants to remain in a situation which He forbids and which displeases Him.

Living together as man and wife falls under the category of fornication, as it comprehends sexual relations outside of marriage, and causes a condition of grave sin to the person.

Because of the persistence of a grave sin, one remains not reconciled to God, in condition of sin with all the other sins.

3. Of course, the Lord sees repentance for the other sins committed. Indeed, from the theological point of view, that repentance was inspired by God Himself and certainly an action to correspond pleases Him.

Solemnly, the Council of Trent so verbalized as doctrine of the Church: “And as to that imperfect contrition, which is called attrition, because that it is commonly conceived either from the consideration of the turpitude of sin, or from the fear of hell and of punishment, It declares that if, with the hope of pardon, it exclude the wish to sin, it not only does not make a man a hypocrite, and a greater sinner, but that it is even a gift of God, and an impulse of the Holy Ghost, –who does not indeed as yet dwell in the penitent, but only moves him,– whereby the penitent being assisted prepares a way for himself unto justice” (DS 1678).

4. Coming back to the behavior of the priest confessor, we must say that a greater kindness on his part would have avoided the feeling of rejection.

Rejecting is like closing the door.

The exhortation to come back again keeps the door open.

However, I say once again that I do not want to judge that priest, because I understand that feeling when there is a queue of people waiting to be confessed and time is running out. It is a race against time to hear the confessions of as many people as possible. Those are moments of great inner tension.

5. As you say, your friend´s irregular situation went on to the point that a beautiful child was born.

I hope that the child will be baptized, and that on that occasion this young man will have the opportunity to speak more calmly with a priest and be encouraged to regularize his situation with the sacrament of marriage.

I will gladly remember this young man, his partner, and above all the child, with my prayers. I bless them all.

I reciprocate your cordial wishes for all the best and I bless you.

Father Angelo

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