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Dear Father Angelo,

I am writing to you for advice and support regarding my spiritual life, which has been in disarray for over a year now. Previously, my relationship with the Lord had always been strong.. 

I was raised in the diocese of …, and had always been involved in the parish and the diocese  as a  youth minister . I even held the position of Diocesan President of Catholic Action. Even after I moved to the diocese of … after my marriage, I continued in my parish commitments  until the March 2020 lockdown,  as an extraordinary minister, bringing Communion to residents of the local nursing home..

However, I am deeply troubled by the meaning of suffering, not only in my personal life, but in the world (Auschwitz, Covid, wars, starving people, etc.).

These hardships, including those brought on by Covid, caused fear and anger that eventually settled into a deep resentment within me.

In July 2020, I stopped going to Mass completely, and therefore also stopped praying: I felt like my desperation and prayers had been going unheard for too long; I was never granted a little light, nor a little peace, nor any minimal consolation to soothe the many trials that I had endured.

Despite the great darkness  I find myself in, I have at least maintained the practice and perseverance to abide by what an elderly Priest of Bologna,who has also been  a penitentiary of the Cathedral for many years, suggested  me last February: the daily reading of a passage from the New Testament (after the Gospels and Acts, I am reading the Pauline letters). Nonetheless, I don’t find any benefits in this activity and instead find reasons to question Scripture..

I ask myself the same question as the author of the Epistle to the Romans, “Is there injustice on God’s part?” (Rom. 9:14). But the answer that comes naturally to me is different from his. It seems to me that not only are there injustices, but they are too many and too great, first of all in history and in the world.

As for my own personal story, Scripture provides me with the words for a first objection, “Lo, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command; yet you never gave me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends. ” (Luke 15:29).

I never thought that suffering and tribulation could be avoided, but I regret that, in the time of trial, I have not received any signs of consolation, which I naively expected.

One of the phrases I loved most in all of Scripture sounds to me now like an unfulfilled promise: “Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7). It’s not an issue for me that my prayers haven’t been answered, but rather that I have not received this peace during the time of tribulation. I feel disowned and marginalized.

I really don’t know what to do to regain confidence. I understand that there are no easy fixes but I would still like to receive your advice. I am almost on the verge of cutting off all ties with the Lord and acting as etsi Deus non daretur ( “God does not exist”)since the current situation is leaving me too disheartened.

I thank you and greet you with much esteem.

David

Priest’s answer

Dear David,

only today I managed to read the email you sent on November 3rd, 2021. I am very sorry and apologize for my delay.

1. You have come to a dead end in your spiritual life when confronted by the reality of the existence of evil.

This experience mirrors that of John’s disciples who were shocked to see the Messiah living a humble human life, without a roof to sleep in, when they were expecting Him to come with great power and glory,

Jesus even warned  those who asked  if He was the one who was to come, after performing miracles that showed the prophecies about Him had been fulfilled, concluding: “And blessed is the one who takes no offense at me!” (Mt. 11:6).

They will go on to see Christ in quite a different condition: arrested and handcuffed as an evildoer, crucified between two thieves as if he were a criminal.

Yet this was precisely the road He had to take to accomplish redemption.

2. In the prayer at the end of the Angelus we say, “Pour forth, we beseech Thee, O Lord, Thy grace into our hearts; that, we to whom the Incarnation of Christ, Thy Son,

was made known by the message of an Angel, may by His Passion and Cross, be brought to the glory of His Resurrection through the same Christ our Lord.”

We ask Him to come to the glory of the resurrection by participating in His passion from His cross.

In the Acts of the Apostles we read that Paul and Barnabas confirmed the disciples and exhorted them to remain steadfast in the faith as “It is necessary for us to undergo many hardships to enter the kingdom of God”. (Acts 14:22).

3. A temptation lurks in all of us that is the same that Old Testament Jews had: expecting temporal blessings from the Messiah.

Jesus Christ, on the other hand, says, “But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.” (Mt. 6:33).

Through the voice of the author of the letter to the Hebrews, he reminds us that “non habemus hic manentem civitatem” (“For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the one that is to come”; Heb 13:14).

4. After reading St. Paul who says, “Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7) you expected peace.

Not having received it, you were disappointed.

You forgot, however, that the peace Christ came to bring us does not coincide with the absence of thoughts or worries.

Jesus, His person, His presence in us, is our peace.

St. Paul says that Christ is our peace because He is “For He is our peace, he who made both one and broke down the dividing wall of enmity, through his flesh” (Eph. 2:14).

5. To enjoy this presence, it is necessary for everything in our lives to be pure: it takes to be pure in our minds, in our hearts (in our feelings) and in our bodies.

The way to peace lies in having a humble sacramental confession, which through the infusion of grace, enacts the washing of our soul.

Once conformed to Christ’s will, it is possible to experience peace within us in the same way  Christ did on the cross.

This is what Blessed Angelico sought to manifest when he painted his crucifixes. Great sorrow is depicted in St. Dominic, weeping at the foot of the cross. He weeps for those who do not accept Christ and His most precious merits.

Yet, Christ, even on the cross, is at peace. Indeed He is peace itself.

With the wish that this may be accomplished by all of us, I bless you and wish you a happy continuation of the Christmas holidays and remember you in prayer.

Father Angelo