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Question

Good morning father Angelo,

Since I’ve taken my life back I try to follow Jesus; however, there are some circumstances when I feel conflicted.

The Gospel says:

Matthew 5: 41 Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles.

Matthew 5:42 Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow.

But what’s the limit to respect in order to avoid getting manipulated by other people? I often find myself having to deal with some very ‘demanding’ people, and they’re ready to judge you if you don’t act as they want.

I fear in my heart that I might be considered egoist, indifferent, or a bad Christian; I don’t want to disappoint nor lose a friend; I fear that no one will ever do me a favour again.

At the same time, I don’t want to be enslaved by these fears.

The saints endured everything for the love of Jesus; however, this still doesn’t convince me. There is something wrong… I must serve God, but I shouldn’t be a slave of my neighbour’s judgement.

In my heart, I feel that I’m doing enough for other people, but sometimes this isn’t enough and I always feel at fault. This makes me nervous and I have to admit that I end up feeling hatred for those people who try to take advantage of me.

How should I behave?

Francesca

Answer

Dear Francesca,

First of all, I would like to get you to the interpretation that the Holy Fathers gave to the words you mentioned. 

1- Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles.

Saint Augustine reminds us that “this warning should not be interpreted as a physical journey, but rather as a disposition of the soul”.

It is our availability towards the other that should be as complete as possible.

There is one limit: first and foremost we are called to provide for our personal necessities, and for the necessities of those who are closer to us.

Those who are closest to us are our families. We have a set of imperative duties towards them.

Saint Augustine also said: “first of all you should learn to love yourself… In fact, if you are not capable of loving yourself, how could you really love your neighbour?” (Sermo 368,5).

2- Therefore, it is not lawful to neglect personal duties for whatever reason, let alone the whim of our neighbour.

It is only in case of grave necessity that one shall suspend his duties to become available for  neighbours.

We must keep in mind that our closest neighbours are those towards which we have particular responsibilities, namely our families.

The scripture says in fact: “And whoever does not provide for relatives and especially family members has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5,8).

Saint Thomas says “Therefore charity regards those who are nearer to us before those who are better” (Summa Theologiae II-II, 26, 7 sed contra).

3- Regarding the second verse you quoted:

Give to the one who asks of you, and do not turn your back on one who wants to borrow.

We must keep in mind what Saint John Chrysostom said: “because our riches aren’t ours, but of God: in fact, it was God who wanted us to be dispensers of His riches, and not owners”.

And Saint Augustine: “He therefore goes on to say, “Give to everyone that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.” “To everyone that asketh,” says He; not, Everything to him that asketh: so that you are to give that which you can 29 honestly and justly give. For what if he should ask money, wherewith he may endeavour to oppress an innocent man? what if, in short, he should ask something unchaste? But not to recount many examples, which are in fact innumerable, that certainly is to be given which may hurt neither thyself nor the other party, as far as can be known or supposed by man; and in the case of him to whom you have justly denied what he asks, justice itself is to be made known, so that you may not send him away empty. Thus you will give to every one that asketh you, although you will not always give what he asks; and you will sometimes give something better, when you have set him right who was making unjust requests” (De sermone Domini 1,20).

Saint Jerome offers another interpretation: “it could also be intended as the money of teaching which never ends but, the more it is given away, the more it gets duplicated” (Comment on Matthew).

4- Another author known with the name of Chrysostom writes: “Therefore Christ commands to give the loan, however not by usury; that’s because if you loan like this you don’t give what’s yours, but you take from what is of somebody else; you release from a bond while making new constraints; and also you do not give for the justice of God, but for your own profit.

Moreover, money in usury is comparable to the bite of a snake: as the poison covertly corrupts all the body, in a similar way usury transforms all possessions into debts”.

5- Saint Augustine observed that some objected to this teaching of Christ by saying that it is not compatible with public order. In fact, if the wicked is permitted to take advantage of the goodness of Christians, he will only become more and more wicked because bad will is reinforced as an interior enemy.

Therefore even if the precept of patience should never abandon the heart and even if the goodness that makes us return good for evil should reside permanently in our will, nonetheless the usurper of our goods still has to be punished, though unwillingly and benignly. 

“It is a great good that is done to the wicked when the freedom of evil is taken away from him” (Ad Marcellinum, ep. 138,2).

Therefore these are the limits: other people’s requests must be more cogent than our duties and the good we’re doing should not make the profiteer more iniquitous.

I wish you every good, bless you and assure you of remembrance to the Lord.

Father Angelo