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Question

Good morning Father Angelo,

I would like to have your advice regarding my current situation.

I was raised to be part of my local parish community until the age of eighteen. Until then, I was a faithful christian who certainly committed small sins, but never major ones.

At the age of eighteen, I met my current partner. When I reached the age of 30 we started cohabiting. We have two wonderful children, our life is good, nevertheless, since we met I slowly moved away from Christian faith and I no longer attend the Sunday mass. My life significantly changed for the worse: I committed many sins, without even caring for what I was doing. I approached other women, some of them were even married; in short, I live a life far from the principles that God taught us through His Commandments.

However, about five years ago, something strange happened to me: I was walking around the city alone, but when I stepped in front of the cathedral I suddenly felt a call, a need to enter the church and talk with God. It was something unexpected, but I decided to enter and to confess. I confessed to God all my sins, the priest said he was very sorry but he could not give me the absolution, even if he saw in me a sincere repentance. He advised me to “regularize my position” (i.e. get married according to the catholic ritual) so that I could have approached the Holy Confession in its fullness, and then receive the Eucharist.

That episode created a breakthrough in my life. I started attending the Mass regularly, bringing my children to church, and trying to teach them some easy prayers, even if they do not always collaborate. Finally, my partner and I decided to start the preparation to get married in the Catholic Church.

The doubt that currently torments me is: am I worthy to approach this sacrament, considering my past as a sinner? If I cannot approach the sacrament of reconciliation and be absolved due to the current cohabiting situation, how can I properly approach marriage? Honestly, I do not feel it would be right to abandon my two young children in order to live separate from my spouse-to-be until the day of the wedding. 

Father, thank you for your patience in reading these letter of mine,

Lori

Answer from the priest

Dear Lori,

1. I cannot stop thanking the Lord for the multitude of conversions he grants to menkind and to his Holy Church. His way of attracting people, sometimes working on their souls day after day, sometimes suddenly, as it did for you, never ceases to amaze me. Saint Paul was gripped by Christ the moment he entered Damascus to persecute Christians. As soon as he heard His voice and His name, he said: “Lord, what can I do for you?”. Something similar has happened to you too.

You passed in front of a Cathedral, ignoring the fact that the Lord was there, waiting for you, but He called you through your heart and you walked in. Suddenly, God invaded your soul and your heart. With the presence of the Lord you then felt the need to confess your sins and be purified.

How touching is to think about the emotions for all these feelings arousing in you so unexpectedly and in such a short time!

You will never forget that day. It will forever stay as one of the greatest days in your life.

2. The priest, as expected, withheld absolution. But he welcomed you. And just as Ananias healed Paul’s blindness and told him what to do next, the priest advised you to “regularize your position” in order to be able to approach the Holy Confession worthily, and then receive the Eucharist.

3. He did not absolve you, but he covered you with the Grace of God, which from that day began to guide your steps on a journey of true conversion in preparation of your Confession, Holy Communion, and the Sacrament of Marriage.

With all this, accompanied by sincere repentance of your sins, you’re already living to a certain degree a Communion with God.

4. You ask me whether or not you are worthy to receive the sacrament of marriage considering your past as a sinner. None of us deserves to live in Communion with God, It is an infinite grace of His mercy.

But as Lord called you back to Himself, so He also knows how to renew you and make you shine before His eyes in the same way that the father of the prodigal son clothed the son who had squandered his patrimony by living in a dissolute way.

5. The day before the wedding (or even a few days later) you will go to Confession. You will acquire the sanctifying grace even while living together with your fiancée by avoiding intimacy. You will keep the grace by living those precious days in chastity, the same way that Moses, and all the people before they encountered God on the mount of Sinai and received his Law purified himself, behaved chastely and with supreme devotion.

I want to thank you for this beautiful testimony of the Lord’s infinite love for you and for your family.

I assure you my prayers, certain that many visitors will join me in praying for you. May the grace of the Lord descend abundantly on you, on your future wife, and on your two dear children in the three great sacraments that you will shortly receive: Confession, Holy Communion and Marriage.

I wish you a fruitful journey of Christian life and I bless you.

Father Angelo

November 25, 2019 | A priest answers – Liturgy and pastoral care – Pastoral section